XWA Intensity PPV: Paper, Scissors, Rock n' Roll

Matches that occurred on our 2011 XWA Intensity Special!
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XWA Intensity PPV: Paper, Scissors, Rock n' Roll

Postby Tempest » Sun Jun 26, 2011 4:06 pm

We do an abrupt cut to Tempest and Rose, embroiled in an animated conversation while walking down a backstage hallway. Both are already dressed for action, and Tempest wears an unofficial title belt, The Jack Daniels King of All Men Championship around his waist. He's nonchalantly bouncing a basketball as they go.

Tempest: ...and I'm still saying that it doesn't add up. Why in the world does Rock beat Paper? I mean, seriously...that's just dumb. You can't beat someone with Paper, man.

Rose: Its just the way the game is played, T. Rock beats Scissors. Scissors beats Paper, and Paper...it covers Rock. It beats it, T.

Tempest: Dumb. D-U-M...Dumb.

Rose: You're just mad that I won and got to face Chaos last week when Lightning wasn't cleared to wrestle. That's all it is...sour grapes, sir.

Tempest: That is NOT it, and hell, even sour GRAPES would be better against a rock. At least you could like...

The Storm of the Century goes into manic convulsions, flailing his fingers around like he was tearing and smashing some imaginary grapes. The basketball goes flying and is forgotten. Rose laughs, as much due to Tempest's actions as the fact that behind him, the XWA's curvaceous and somewhat slutty interviewer, Sara Michaels approaches with a microphone and camera crew.

Tempest: ...squeeze and smash the juice outta the grapes and get it in the other guy's eyes before he hits you with...the...rock, y'know?

Tempy slows, rolls his eyes and stops talking as he realizes that the camera is there. Rose simply continues laughing.

Tempest: Nice, Rosie.

Sarah Michaels: Rose and Tempest...Harts & Roses...you guys have been ordered by the XWA Commisioner, Richard Maxwell to act as "Wardens" for The Strangeways Match for the XWA Tag Team Championship tonight ...how do you feel about...?

Rose steps forward before Tempest can and speaks, using his best commanding voice.

Rose: How do we feel about that, Sarah? Really? How do WE, as in, me and T, Harts & Roses, feel about the fact that tonight, on the XWA's first ever ENTIRELY FREE PPV...

Tempest: Which would technically make it a NPPV, I think. No-Pay-Per-View...or a NNTPPV...No-Need-To-Pay-Per-View...

Rose: ...absolutely the second one. But...how do we FEEL about the fact that some of our biggest rivals in the business...Rated X...the team of Alex Sean and DGX...

Sarah Michaels: Oh, haven't you heard?

Tempest & Rose: Heard...?

Sarah Michaels: Due to injuries he sustained at last week's Massacre in his devastating Last Man Standing match with Angelus, Alex Sean isn't going to be here tonight.

Rose: What? That's...

Sarah Michaels: But since Rated X is a registered multi-man Tag Faction, Commisioner Maxwell has agreed to let them use the Freebird rule so that Hutton Brown can stand in for Alex Sean in the title defense.

Tempest: Huh.

Rose: So. How do I feel about that? Or do you have anything ELSE that I should know? Like tonight, that the role of DGX will be played by a delightfully goofy, and always hungry great dane named Scooby Doo? Is THAT what they're gonna try?

Tempest: ...And they would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those damn kids and their mangy dog...

Rose: Oh, is Maddy back on the roster again?

Harts & Roses high-five each other and chuckle, before abruptly turning back to Sarah in mock seriousness.

Rose: Look, Sarah, here's the deal. Are we happy about the fact that T and I have to more or less stand by while The X/S, a reasonably talented Tag Team...

Tempest: Who DO happen to be snappy dressers...

Rose: There is that. ...while THEY get a shot at Tag Team gold against a couple of guys that we really can't stand...

Tempest: Well, ONE guy that we really can't stand. Hutt's a'ight. Or at least, HIM, we don't hate.

Rose: Well, that's true. Not yet at least. Okay, well, ONE guy we totally despise and his talented but slightly deluded Sidekick? How do we feel about the fact that we'll be stationed in the space between the two cages like dobermans on patrol...waiting while Rated X and The X/S tear each other apart over the title belts? How do we FEEL about the fact that our job will be to act as jailers to anyone trying to get out of both the 15' and then the 25' steel cages? That our designated jobs will be to put some serious hurting down on anyone trying to get past our line of death??

Tempest: I'm ok with that.

Rose: Yep. Me too.

Sarah Michaels: Oh. So, then you're okay with that? Do you really think that its fair that The X/S will have an advantage like that? To have the two of you to help them win the Tag Titles?

Tempest: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa, WHOA. Who said ANYthing about us helping The X/S?

Rose laughs and shakes his head, looking at the ceiling. He then reaches down and picks up the basketball from where it has rolled on the floor while Tempest speaks.

Tempest: Let me make one thing crystal clear here, Sarah. Harts & Roses KNOW what Rated X is all about. We KNOW that they would stop at nothing to retain those Tag Title belts. That's just the way they are. They'd lie, cheat, steal, beg, fly, kiss the girls and make em cry...hell, they'd even swipe the false teeth from the bedstand of DGX's old Grandma Ellie Degenerate and give em to the dog to chew on if they thought it would help them maintain their stranglehold on the Title Gold scene in the XWA. But we don't work like that.

Rose: Preach, brother.

Tempest: You see, Sarah...if that IS your real name...

Rose: She does sorta look like that exotic dancer you met in Philly, T...

Tempest: I know. 'Cept she doesn't have that nasty mole on her eyelid like the other one...Ewww.

Both members of Harts & Rose cringe as if on cue, and then drop back into interview mode.

Tempest: But here's the deal...Ms. Michaels...Sarah...Screwing Rated X over in a title match is NOT what Harts & Roses are all about. Oh, we'd happily jump their asses in the parking lot. We'd be thrilled to kick their asses all around the arena AFTER the match. Hell, we'd even be willing to go down to one of DGX's court ordered remedial reading classes and kick his ass during the daily singing of the "Alphabet Song"...but we have no intention of helping The X/S or anyone else for that matter, to win XWA Championship Gold, no matter WHO they're facing. So, X/S? Chris Novak? Joe DeLonge? Consider yourselves on notice too. If any one of you four even thinks about poking a pinky-toe outside of that first cage into OUR domain...well, you better be ready for the fight of your lives.

Rose: Y'see, Sarah...we might be assholes...but we're Honorable assholes.

Sarah seems mildly impressed and is about to speak on more when a figure steps up into the camera shot from stage right, holding a poster for the upcoming XWA Grand Prix PPV in both hands so the camera can see the graphic. Displayed there is a photoshopped image of DGX standing triumphantly in an obviously CGI'd background, the XWA World Heavyweight Title held gleaming over his head. Both Tempest and Rose scowl slightly, and then even more when the camera pans up to reveal the man holding the poster...the former XWA Legend, The Unholy Warrior, decked out in his full regalia, including his infamous personal title belt, The Unholy Championship!

Sarah Michaels: Omigod. Its the Unholy Warrior?? Here?

UW: Definitely. See, guys...it doesn't matter what YOU two chuckleheads plan. The Unholy Warrior rules all. After my dark match for Richard Maxwell tonight, and he re-signs me to a million dollar contract, you'll ALL know who is Ultimately the Warrior. At the end of the day, when it all comes down to it and the oceans dry and the mountains fall, and the sun rises over the hill of fallen fighters...at that time, you'll all know the power of the Warrior...and that's when DGX will know...he'll KNOW that I'm coming for his...


UW collapses as Rose hurls the Basketball at him full force, smashing him in the face, tearing through the PPV poster in the process. He rolls his eyes and Tempest just chuckles and reaches down and retrieves UW's signature belt. He rights himself and then hands it over to Rose with a grin.

Tempest: See, I TOLD you Paper wouldn't beat Rock. That was only a Basketball and look what ya did. Can you imagine if that would have been a Rock??

We cut away with Sarah giving both men a puzzled but still somewhat seductively slutty look, as both men walk off with UW still down for the count...

The Original XWA Grandslam Champion!

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