We return to The American Airlines Center in Dallas, Texas from the promotional vintage for the upcoming match to find the steel cage nearly upon the ground. The four massive walls of chain link fence slowly encase the ring, the gargantuan structure descending steadily to the floor as the crowd in attendance builds in anticipation for the next match. As the bottom of the cage hits the ground the ring bell chimes three times, Dallas goes wild as Hana Ramierez rises to her feet to make the opening introductions.
Hana Ramirez: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a Steel Cage Match and it is the Final XWA International Championship match of the night. Now to win this match, you must beat your opponent by pinfall, submission, or escaping the cage itself.
"We are Sex Bob-omb and we're here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff!"
The fuzzy bass riff kicks in as Derrick makes his way to the ring. He high fives fans as he meanders down the ramp to the ring.
Hana Ramirez: Making his way to the ring first. Weighing in at 290 pounds. He hails from Chicago Comics on Clark. He is the "Sith Warrior" Derrick Jedi!
Mark Sanction: And what a match we have in store for you Ladies and Gentlemen. Derrick Jedi vs. Shawn Silva in a steel cage match!
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: It's just isn't right Mark. Why in the world is Derrick Jedi getting exactly what he wants when he was the one who assaulted Miles Davidson and Lucas Talbot last week?! The man should have been arrested, not booked on our Pay-Per-View!
Derrick rolls into the ring and continues to appeal to the crowd before the match gets underway.
Hana Ramirez: And his oppon-
James Williamson: That's quite enough!
Before Hana Ramirez can even finish her statement, The American Airlines Center erupts in boos as James Williamson steps out from behind the curtain. Dressed in a fine linen suit and with his beard trimmed to perfection, Williamson glares down at Ramirez for attempting to steal his thunder before donning a smile and hoisting his own microphone.
Mark Sanction: Oh not this again...
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: This is great stuff.
James Williamson: Ladies and Gentlemen, if you could please turn your attention to the entrance ramp at this time!
Thrusting his right arm in the direction of the ramp for emphasis, the announcer keeps the microphone held high as the opening of “Been to Hell” elicits even greater surges of negativity than it had the first time. After several seconds pass, Shawn Silva steps out from behind the curtain with a pleasant smile upon his face as he stops at the top of the ramp.
James Williamson: Introducing next, Derrick Jedi's opponent…
Running a finger through the large wad of money stuffed tightly into the breast pocket of his long leather coat, Silva begins to make his way down toward the cage encased ring; Shawn refusing to allow any one fan to get close enough to lay their hand upon him as he stares firmly at Derrick.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: What Derrick Jedi just doesn't understand is that he is simply a stepping stone tonight for Shawn Silva and The Hierarchy as a whole.
Mark Sanction: A stepping stone? How can you call him that? Derrick Jedi is an incredible athlete for a man...
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: His size?
Mark Sanction: Shut up.
James Williamson: Hailing from Los Angeles, California and weighing in tonight at two hundred and five pounds…
Coming to a halt right before he reaches the ringside area, Silva suddenly throws his head back and his arms out wide as money begins to fall from the rafters. Bills of all numeric values fall into the hands of the suddenly desperate fans, only for those lucky enough to catch some of the currency to find that Silva’s face adorns every single bill. Dropping his arms to his side and turn his gaze to look out at the crowd, The Chosen One laughs heartily at the disappointed look upon the fool’s faces.
James Williamson: Please, put your hands together for… Shawn SILVA!
Silva smiles broadly at the announcement of his name though his expression slowly turns somber as advances towards the steel cage, Shawn's eyes focusing through steel chain links and landing upon Derrick Jedi. The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick smiles thoughtfully at Silva as he steps around the side of the steel cage towards the door, The Chosen One discarding his jacket and sunglasses and hat, Silva carefully placing it on the announce table, before he moves to and slowly ascends the steel steps. Taking a deep breath before he steps inside the confines of the steel cage, Silva watches with leery eyes as referee Thomas J Tickles closes the door slowly behind him. Gritting his teeth as "Been to Hell" slowly fades out, Silva turns around to find Derrick Jedi already upon him; the bell chiming three times as Jedi shoves him backward with all his might.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Good lord, that monstrosity of man Derrick Jedi is on top of Silva before the bell even rings! How disgusting!
Mark Sanction: Well there really aren't any rules inside the cage once you're inside the cage, so it's all legal Jordan. Or is this another joke about Derrick's weight?
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Aren't they always about his weight?
Shawn lands hard in the corner and quickly looks out at the cage door again, Silva trying to determine if he'd be able to pull the door open and escape before Jedi could catch him. But the question of The Chosen One is answered quickly as Derrick grabs him by the back of the neck and pulls him out from between the ropes, Silva responding quickly with a sheer panic move. Catching Jedi with an elbow to the jaw as the larger man yanks Shawn into the open, Silva reacts quickly as he grasps the larger man by the shoulder and shoves him back into the now vacant corner. With Jedi stunned for a brief moment from the elbow, The Chosen One begins to unload upon The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick; Silva aiming each right hand for the same spot in which he'd connected with the previous elbow. Finishing after six consecutive strikes, The Leader of The Hierarchy plants a stiff boot into Derrick's midsection for good measure before he suddenly dashes off to the far side of the ring.
Mark Sanction: Good lord, that didn't take long. Shawn Silva more than eager to get himself out of that steel cage.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Yeah. Actually, speaking of escaping the cage, do you think it can sustain Derrick's weight? He weighs what again? Four hundred, four fifty?
Silva scales the ropes quickly and begins to ascend the steel cage with similar haste without a single look back; though that one glance may have perhaps changed Shawn's mind. For the initial string of punches may have been decent, it was hardly enough to keep Derrick Jedi away for long. The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick quickly shakes off the assault and begins to cross the ring at barely a fast walk, Jedi leaping up to the first rope before grasping Shawn's left leg as he begins to pull himself up to the top of the cage. Only now does Silva look back in shock just before Derrick pulls hard and drags The Chosen One back down to the top rope. Now easily within arm's reach Jedi grabs the waistline of Shawn's trunks and throws Silva backward off the top rope, The Leader of The Hierarchy crashing to his back on the canvas before rolling through to his feet.
Mark Sanction: Shawn Silva certainly doesn't seem pleased with the fact he wasn't able to escape. Derrick Jedi is going to prove to be a tough opponent if he thinks he can escape that easily.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: I think Shawn's more concerned that Jedi might mistake him for a life size cheeseburger with extra burger.
Derrick strides confidently back to center ring as Shawn looks wildly around the ring for something to use to his advantage, Silva quickly realizing that there was nothing to be found here other than himself, Jedi, and the referee. Scowling deeply at the realization The Chosen One advances forward and drives a straight kick at Jedi's midsection again, Derrick surprising Shawn as he swats it away with easily. Silva clenches his teeth slightly as Jedi smirks, Shawn lashing out with a straight right hand that The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick easily blocks. With Silva in too deep for his own good, Jedi smiles a vicious grin as he raises his right fist and drops Shawn to the canvas with a huge roaring uppercut. The Leader of The Hierarchy quickly tries to crawl away towards the cage door but Jedi puts a quick stop to it as he steps down upon Silva's ankle, Shawn continuing to crawl yet gaining no ground.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Stepping away from the weight jokes for a moment, how the heck did Derrick Jedi manage to convince Maxwell of giving him Silva in a steel cage? After what he did to Lucas and Miles last week, how the hell does he have any right?
Mark Sanction: After all the hell The Hierarchy has put Derrick through, I think Maxwell may have been a little lenient on the whole gun incident. That and the cage will help ensure fair play throughout this match.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Fair play?! Have Derrick lose a hundred pounds, then maybe you can talk about fair play!
Mark Sanction: Back again, I see.
Realizing his attempts to be futile Shawn rolls over into a seated position and attempts to wave Jedi off or call a timeout, Derrick hardly amused as he steps forward with assertion and kicks Silva right in the face. Shawn smacks the mat hard and rolls slowly over to his hands and knees, Derrick more than happy to help The Chosen One return to his feet before continuing his attack. Grasping Silva by the back of the head, Jedi drags his opponent forward and launches him headfirst over the ropes and into the cage wall; The Leader of The Hierarchy face planting into the steel links before falling back and collapsing into the near corner. The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick advances back upon Silva without any hesitation in his step, Jedi pandering to Dallas, Texas for a moment before he winds up and catches Shawn with a second roaring uppercut.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: I mean seriously, what does this guy know about wrestling at all? He has yet to display an ounce of technical knowledge and would belong better in the world eating circuit. I'm sure they'll have a Grand Prix tournament at some point.
Mark Sanction: Honestly, just when I think you can't possibly be more arrogant or rude, you outdo yourself. You've got quite a talent there Jordan.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Why thank you. I'm not The Voice of the XWA for nothing, you know.
Shawn falls to a seated position in the corner and Derrick is more than happy to take advantage of the positioning as he places his boot against Silva's throat and presses back with Shawn's head jammed into the bottom turnbuckle. Thomas J Tickles, more concerned about Silva's safety and wellbeing more than any rule violation, steps in and demands Jedi break the choke; Derrick complying out the sheer boredom more than acceptance of the request. Coughing violently as he forces his way back to his feet, Shawn Silva walks straight into The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick once again; Jedi scooping Shawn up off the canvas with easy before planting him right back down with a scoop slam at center ring. Backing himself up to the ropes as Silva writhes in pain on the mat, Derrick takes his time returning to Shawn before leaping up and crashing down upon The Chosen One with a big splash.
Mark Sanction: My word, Derrick Jedi is simply all over Shawn Silva. This is hardly even a match!
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: All over Silva is right Mark. Someone had better call the EMT's. Jedi just caved Shawn's chest in with that five hundred pound splash!
Mark Sanction: So wait, Jedi just gained fifty pounds in the course of two minutes?
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: It wouldn't surprise me. He certainly looks bigger than he did.
While not nearly as heavy as Jordan Michaels makes him out to be, Derrick Jedi's splash certainly serves his purpose; Shawn Silva undergoing physical spasms of pain as Jedi returns to his feet. But The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick is certainly far from finished with his opponent, Derrick grasping Silva by the head and helping The Chosen One back to his feet. Pressing Silva back into the ring ropes Derrick whips him hard across the ring and scoops Shawn up upon his return, Jedi hoisting Silva confidently before unceremoniously driving him into the canvas with a sidewalk slam. Jedi remains seated for several seconds following the slam whilst Silva crawls slowly away, Shawn desperately attempting to reach the cage door and escape this hell.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: This just isn't right. Shawn Silva isn't on his game tonight and he's not meant to be confined in a cage like this. He is going completely against the odds.
Mark Sanction: Honestly Jordan, if this was the first time I'd seen Silva I might believe that. But he and The Hierarchy dug this grave and now Silva is going to have to lie in it.
Silva isn't allowed to make it far, much to the approval of The American Airlines Center as Jedi returns to his feet once again and grabs Shawn by the ankle; The Leader of The Hierarchy all but at the door with the referee outside the cage having opened it for him. Reaching and trying to crawl his way forward, Silva's heart sinks as Derrick drags him back into the confines of the cage and pulls The Chosen One back to his feet. Catching Silva with a stiff right hand to the jaw, Jedi follows up by scooping Shawn up off his feet and holding him high on his shoulder; The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick lining up Silva's pretty boy face with the wall of the cage and charging forward. Shawn kicks desperately but isn't able to slip out of Jedi's grip, Silva still managing to save himself however as he puts his hands up and clutches the cage just before the impact.
Mark Sanction: Derrick Jedi looked ready to plow Silva's face into the cage wall. Thanks the stars that Shawn managed to block that.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: You just didn't want to see blood, right?
Mark Sanction: A little.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Pussy.
Shawn is able to make good use of his handholds as he thrusts back with all his might and drops off Jedi's shoulder, Silva landing behind Derrick and striking before his larger opponent can fully react. Stepping into Jedi as he attacks, Silva drives a powerful kick into the back of Derrick's left knee and sends the big man to a kneeling position as his leg gives out from the well placed kick. Jedi tries to return to his feet quickly but Shawn catches him with another kick, Derrick shouting out in a small fit of pain whilst The Chosen One quickly backs away. Waiting carefully for Jedi to rise this time, The Leader of The Hierarchy takes two steps in and leaps up parallel to the canvas and plants both of his boots against the side of Derrick's skull; the force of the picture perfect standing dropkick sending Jedi through the top and second rope from his kneeling position.
Mark Sanction: Shawn finally managing to go on the offensive with that dropkick, regardless of the fact that Derrick didn't hit the cage very hard.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: More importantly Mark, did you see how much that ring rope dipped?! I though for sure it would snap under that kind of weight...
The point of Shawn's dropkick had not been to force Derrick into the cage wall however, the attack serving its purpose as it forced Jedi out to the apron. Jedi rises slowly, dazed from the shot to his head but recovery quickly; The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick caught unprepared however as Silva charges in at him and leaps forward. Utilizing his own body as a battering ram Silva leaps at his prey and crushes Jedi against the cage wall, Derrick crumpling back to the apron as his own body crashes down to the canvas. Feeling the effects of his previous torment, Shawn isn't immediately able to return to his feet; The Leader of The Hierarchy slowly pushing himself back up to his feet before dashing to the near corner and quickly begins ascending the ring ropes before focusing on escaping the cage.
Mark Sanction: And once again, Shawn Silva's first concern is getting out of that cage. Maybe he should be more concerned about keeping Derrick Jedi down for more than five seconds, or even a pin?
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Why bother? That Jedi is literally an elephant and we know full well how hard it is to topple and elephant. Shawn is better off with his current plan.
Such a sentiment hardly seems true as Derrick Jedi returns to his feet far earlier than Shawn Silva could have ever hoped for, The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick crossing the ring to the corner and slamming a double axe handle into the small of Silva's back. Shawn's grip on the cage wall slips at the moment of impact and he drops down to the top rope, Silva leaning forward into the corner of the cage as Jedi gets the crowd excited as he steps in between Shawn's legs and places him in position for a bomb. Derrick goes to step out but Silva maintains a grip on the cage, Shawn releasing as Jedi's tug subsides; The Chosen One driving right hand after right hand into his foes skull from atop his foe's shoulders. The punches prove quite effective as Derrick's grip slowly slips away, Silva able to jump down from his forced perch and drive a powerful kick into the midsection of his now cornered opponent.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: I mean seriously, did you see that? He kicked him in the stomach and that fat just jiggled like a god damn water bed. I mean really, who looks like that?!
Mark Sanction: Your mom!
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: That was weak dude.
Mark Sanction: Sorry.
Sensing an opportunity to perhaps take Jedi out of the match for good, Silva charges the now cornered foe but never finds his target as Derrick steps out and drives a huge elbow into the side of Shawn's head. Silva staggers backward from the strike, dazed from the head trauma, but recovers quickly as Derrick instead charges out from the corner; The Chosen One able to duck underneath an oncoming clothesline and take advantage of Jedi's momentary loss of target. The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick attempts to recover quickly but the seconds are all Silva needs as he steps forward and drives a massive upward kick into Derrick's ribcage. Doubled over Jedi retreats, putting just enough distance between he and his opponent for Shawn to advance and catch Derrick with a scissor kick to the jaw; The Chosen One downing Jedi with stunning efficiency with his Tae-Kwon-Do specialty Body Guard Combo!
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: That massive kick to the jaw! This could be it Shawn, get yourself out of that cage!
Mark Sanction: That was a tremendous kick. This may be it...
Shawn Silva seems to agree as he dons a satisfied smile before heading over to the ring ropes, Silva hardly hurrying as he begins to ascend the ring ropes one at a time. Derrick moves only slightly, his world spinning around and around as Silva reaches the top rope; The Chosen One looking back with an even more satisfied smirk before he begins climb the cage itself. But just as Shawn begins to sling one leg over the top of the cage, Derrick Jedi comes back to life and rolls as quickly as possible over to his stomach before beginning to rise. Completely ignoring the ring now as he pulls himself up to the top of the cage in a seated position, Shawn takes a moment to catch his breath before bringing his other leg up only to suddenly find it stuck. Looking down, The Chosen One finds himself starring wide-eyed at The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick!
Mark Sanction: Shawn got caught! He got way too cocky and took way too much time for his own good, and this is the consequence!
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Shawn, pull yourself free! You're almost there! You're so close you can taste it!
But Jedi's grip is solid and as much as Silva tries to pull on his leg, there is little budge; Derrick Jedi climbing up from the second rope before pulling back and slowly but surely dragging Silva back from the top of the cage. The leverage advantage aids Derrick as he manages to pull Shawn down from the top to the top rope; Silva quickly throwing a right hand into the temple of his larger foe in hopes of sending Jedi falling to the canvas. Derrick Jedi, however, has the same sentiment in mind as he cracks Silva hard in the jaw with a left hand; Shawn teetering back on the top rope as Jedi connects with second jab to the jaw. With Silva's grip slowly failing and Jedi taking full notice of said fact, The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick grasps Shawn by the back of the head and drives The Chosen's One skull against the cage wall; Silva's grip shattered as he falls back into the ring with a nothing to meet him but the canvas.
Mark Sanction: That's it! Derrick Jedi is going to win this! All he has to do is scale the cage and he's got it!
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Then why doesn't he?! He's just standing on that top rope, like he's confused...
But Derrick Jedi isn't confused at all. Perhaps a little conflicted, but not confused in the slightest. The Master of the Jedi Mind Trick looks up from the top rope towards the top of the steel cage, Jedi glancing back to find Silva a heap on the canvas and turning back to stare upward at the top bars of the cage. Dallas, Texas cheers wildly at Jedi's opportunity but Derrick shakes his head in the negative; Jedi suddenly dropping back into the ring.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: What the hell is he doing? He had this won!
Mark Sanction: Derrick Jedi has no intention of winning Jordan, at least not yet. He's going to beat Shawn Silva to a bloody pulp and then some until he gets bored. Only then, will Derrick Jedi even consider winning.
Derrick watches intently as Shawn, having endured all he has thus far, calls the ref on the outside to open the cage door. Derrick grins like a sinner as he sees Shawn ploy unfold before his eyes; smirking at the notion that after all he's endured that a ruse sure as this would be his undoing. Derrick drops back and watches Silva crawl towards freedom and victory.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: If the rest of the Hierarchy were here then they could warn Shawn what was happening.
Mark Sanction: But they're not because of Derrick and the camera man, Rob.
Shawn is nearly to the door when suddenly Derrick lets out a loud whistle. Silva slightly hangs his head as he realizes that Derrick was stalking him: and nothing good can come from a 300 pound stalker. He turns just in time to see Derrick barrel in with a front flip and crush him with a big cornered senton.
Mark Sanction: Ouch!
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: That's no good.
Derrick rolls off of Shawn, tucking under the bottom rope in the process while Silva rolls away from the carnage.
Mark Sanction: I'm impressed by Silva. He's shown that he can really hold his own without the Hierarchy having his back. I don't even think he needs them.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: No, but The Hierarchy needs him. He gives them direction and purpose. You've seen Silva's accomplishments; he did that on his own. Nobody helped him win those titles. Davidson and Talbot on the other hand don't have that to rely on. That's why they joined Silva.
Mark Sanction: And the money.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Well duh, they're not retarded.
Derrick has managed to scale the turnbuckles once again and from his perch watches Silva. Shawn, battered and beaten, lies on the canvas looking up at the lights. This can only mean one thing to Jedi. He grins as he readies himself on the top rope; knowing what intentions he has in mind for the man who has cost him everything. He stands tall and leaps. He tucks his legs in before kicking them out as he braces himself for impact. He comes down hard with a splash to Shawn Silva's torso.
Mark Sanction: Battletoad Splash!
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Come on, Shawn! Get up!
Jedi bounces off impact with Silva and rolls away as Shawn chokes on his own air. Derrick, beaten but not defeated, bruised but not broken, watches Silva intently as he knows this is the end. The crowd is on their feet not to get a better vantage of what's going to happen but to see who is running down the ramp. It's Catherine Sibelle.
Mark Sanction: What's she doing here?
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Shawn's like her boyfriend/pimp thing.
Catherine is not alone however as she has a shiny blue steel chair in hand. Williamson meets her and they collectively shove the outside official, Kirk Samson, away. Williamson opens the cage door as Catherine slides in the chair. Jedi stomps over to the duo as Catherine sticks her head through the ropes to try and rally Shawn. Jedi gets closer and Catherine retreats. Derrick nearly exits the cage but suddenly James slams the cage door in Derrick's face.
Mark Sanction: It's a travesty really. Silva is perfectly capable of fighting his own battles.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: But Shawn doesn't want to fight: he wants to win. And he'll do that by any means necessary.
Jedi staggers back into the ring as the cross bar hit him right in the nose. He turns as Silva swings a chair like Jose Conseco and waffles Derrick in the face. The jeers and boos already begin to flood the arena as they realize this match is coming to a close and the Hierarchy as a collective unit has once again stolen another win. The door opens and Shawn, proud and tall, steps through the ropes.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: And did you really think this would end any other way?
Shawn grins as he tells his contingent "I won. I won!" He is about to walk down the steps but suddenly something stops him: his tights. He looks back and sees Derrick, arm outstretched, giving Shawn a wedgie.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: And this is a first, the nerd is giving the jock a wedgie.
Derrick pulls Shawn from the arm's reach of his stablemates and back towards the ring. He ducks under his arm and reaches over the top rope: looking to backdrop Shawn into the ring. Derrick lifts Silva up with an unusual amount of strain and Shawn flips over onto his feet. Derrick turns as Silva again catches him in the jaw with a scissor kick.
Jordan "Scorpion" Michaels: Silva with a- oh crap!
Derrick falls through the ropes, out the door, and down the ring steps. He nearly wins the match until Catherine and James intervene; holding Derrick up and preventing him from falling off that last step.
Mark Sanction: Silva nearly costing himself the match.
Shawn helps himself off the stairs while his posse strains to hold up Jedi. He taps James on the shoulder as the bell is rung.
Hana Ramirez: And the winner of the match, Shawn Silva!
The Hierarchy let Derrick fall as officials rush in to check on him. Catherine, Shawn, and James all make their way past EMTs who are all rushing to Jedi's aid. The trio stand tall on the stage, hoping to absorb whatever reaction they can get from the crowd and trying to distract them from the emergency medical attention Jedi was receiving.
God wrote:I lost a contact. Nobody move.
Proud member of the S.D.F.C.