Sarah Lacklan vs. Rey Del Presagio (c)
Available on the Xperience AND CoolTube
Let’s be honest here, Kenzi Grey-Lacklan was NOT pleased when she saw the Face Your Demons poster and saw how LITTLE her wife, Sarah Grey-Lacklan, was wearing. Like, she was totes up for motorboating the CRAP out of the lack of clothes her wife was wearing, but she also HATED the idea of anyone ELSE wanting to stick their face where it didn’t belong! And its because of THAT particular fashion and marketing choice of the wrestler known professionally as Sarah Lacklan that they were out at this INSANELY expensive restaurant.◄Sarah►
“Listen, Beloved, you KNOW how I am about this kind of thing. And I PROMISE that only my totes bestie Angelica saw the girls when I was getting them set into place with my diamond-crusted pasties.”
Kenzi Grey shakes her head, her long braids sliding back and forth. She goes back to her menu as a waiter comes over.◄Random Waiter►
“Would you like any drinks or appetizers?
Sarah’s eyes go wide and she cuts off in mid sentence. A man in a full suit, with a luchadore mask covering his head, makes his way across the restaurant, with a beautiful brunette on his arm. Sarah looks up at her waiter and gives him a flash of her award-winning smile full of bright white teeth.◄Sarah►
“Can you give us just one more minute, please?”
Kenzi raises her eyebrow at Sarah as the waiter moves on, but Sarah is already pulling out her Windows phone, which is a perfectly viable option even in 2018, thank you very much. She sends a #DigitalPigeon to her XWA taggie, who gets back to her quickly with a video chat.◄Angelica►
“Hola, mi amigorino! Que passa?”
The XWA Television Champion is clearly in Mexico right this moment, defending one of her legit twenty-seven titles. Sarah points her AWESOME phone at the masked man and the brunette.◄Sarah►
“That IS Rey Del Presagio, right? I’m not all kinds of cray or anything?”
“Abs, Sar-Sar. Por que?”
“No reason! Except, can you do me a legit solid and get one of the XWA refs to log into CoolTube? Thanks! See you in a few days!”
Sarah puts away her phone and gives her caring, understanding, and long-suffering wife one of those smiles that the team over at CoolRankings, who are known to be paragons of journalistic integrity, gave her an award for being the Greatest Smile in the History of Smiles.◄Sarah►
“One moment, Beloved?”
Kenzi gives her one of THOSE looks which will require a detailed discussion later. After getting to her feet, Sarah gives her wife a quick kiss with lips painted red to match her eyes and heads toward the masked man on the other side of the restaurant. As she does so, she busts out her phone again, pulling it from one of the folds of her unnecessarily voluminous dress, and opens up the CoolTube app. She sees that, yes, a referee HAS logged in, and she’s sure he has a name, or something, but she doesn’t pay attention to things like that. Smiling, she sets it to record and sets it on a table.
Sarah goes into NINJA MODE and sneaks up behind the hardcore champion. A waiter is asking about drinks for the masked man and his date for the evening, and Sarah smirks. She snags a platter from a random waiter, again not even thinking that a servant would have a name or care what it is, and gets closer to the seated duo. And just as the waiter leaves, she sneaks in and approaches Presagio and the brunette.◄Sarah►
“Voulez-vous voir la carte des vins?”
Presagio looks to his companion, no doubt with an eyebrow raised in question behind the mask, and Sarah takes advantage of her distraction. First pulling her arms back, she swings forward and down as hard as she can and
She slams the platter into the head of the unsuspecting champion! He crumbles in a heap! His face hits the table and then he rolls off, falling to the floor. Sarah is there immediately and lays down on top of him with a lateral press. Seen by way her phone on the other table, and through the brilliance of the social media/content/podcasting/My Little Ponies archive application Sarah spearheaded, the XWA referee sees the pin and slaps his hand to his table at home.
Sarah growls as the champion kicks out on instinct without any warning. People turn to face the encounter with a mixture of surprise and fear on their faces, and the brunette screams. Sarah looks up at her as she gets to her feet.◄Sarah►
“Sorry! Love your shoes! Hey, get back here!”
Presagio crawls away while trying to shake away the cobwebs of the sneak attack and Sarah chases after him. She runs forward and slams one of her insanely expensive shoes (PLEASE don’t tell Kenzi how much they cost!) into the small of his back and he groans in pain. As his head comes up from the impact, Sarah spins around and kicks him in the back of the head, sending him right back down. Sarah reaches down, grabs his arm, and turns him over onto his back. She goes for the pin!
The hardcore champion kicks out, pushing Sarah off. The Elsa-turned-to-life that is Sarah growls and walks on her knees over to the table that has her phone on it. She types a quick message to the XWA referee logged in, COUNT FASTER!, and turns back to Presagio. The champ is on his feet and leaning against a table, still trying to shake away the cobwebs. With a smile on her face, Sarah gets to her feet and launches a kick into her stomach. It doesn’t seem to do much damage, as Sarah couldn’t get much force because of her ungodly fluffy dress. She goes for a second, but truly does seem to be moving in slow motion because of her choice of attire, and Presagio catches her foot. He pulls her in, making her hop on her other foot, and lays her out with a clothesline.
Presagio tries to put some distance between himself and the potentially psychotic ball of rage who has attacked him in the middle of his dinner date, and stumbles towards a table. He sees Sarah getting to her feet and leaning against another table herself, holding the back of her head where it had hit the ground. The hardcore champ bursts into a run and, with some steam, leaps into the air and thrusts his feet out, driving them into her shoulder with his Harbinger dropkick! There is no ref around, and he probably doesn’t even realize this is a match, but his wrestler’s instinct kicks in and he goes for a count.
Presagio raises up to his knees, still not even sure where he is, as Sarah turns onto her stomach and crawls away. Sarah turns and leans up against the leg of a table and holds her shoulder, clearly hurting from where the big dropkick connected. Her eyes go wide as the people sitting at the table run in a scramble because the hardcore champion has found his feet and is running at her. He jumps up and comes down with a double foot stomp, but the ball of red-eyed rage rolls away, making him find nothing but the floor. He turns and stomps down with a single foot, again finding nothing but the floor as Sarah rolls away. He goes for a third stomp and this time finds his boot slamming down into a bucket of ice!CRASH!
Sarah slams a bottle of wine, whose home HAD been the bottle of ice, right into the champion’s knee. Presagio howls in pain as Sarah gets to her feet behind him and slams the wine into his back, forcing him to move away from the maniac. Sarah moves to make chase, but then stops suddenly and heads back to her table. Thankfully, her brilliant, loving, and totes FORGIVING wife is busy working on her iPad to notice the destruction occurring on the other side of the room. ◄Sarah►
“Hey, babe! I was thinking of ordering a glass of wine. Want met to have them leave the bottle cap so that you can sniff it?”
Kenzi shakes her head, the look on her face clearly long-suffering, and looks back down at her work.◄Kenzi►
“Do I WANT to know what you’re up to right now?”◄Sarah►
Kenzi gives another one of her notorious flips of her long braids and Sarah blows her a wet kiss. Turning around, the red-eyed lunatic scans for her prey with narrowed eyes and sees him turning a corner, still clutching his back from the shot from the wine bottle. Sarah rips and tears at her skirts, pushing them to the ground so that they fall to her feet, leaving only her top and nearly nude bottom. But after a sharp ”HARUMPH!” from Kenzi behind her, she separates one of the lacy skirts, fashions a quick covering for her legendary booty, and gives chase to her opponent. She grabs her tobvs SWEET Windows phone, shoves it into her cleavage threatening to fall out of what is left of her dress and heads to where she last saw Presagio. Getting to the corner, she turns it and-WHAM!
Right into an uppercut! Sarah groans as she falls backward, her chin feeling like it burst under an explosion as the larger man’s fist connects. Presagio, finally shaking away enough cobwebs to realize that he was involved in a match for his 24/7 Hardcore Championship, goes on the attack. He gets a double fist-full of platinum blonde hair and pulls Sarah to her feet, then whips her against the wall of the corridor they have found themselves in, the albino’s back slamming into all manner of seemingly random pictures that all expensive restaurants have in the hallways leading to the restroom. He grabs her arm and whips her hard into the other side, eliciting a pained groan as she slams into it again. He then puts his hands between her legs, grabbing her by a surprisingly meaty inner thigh, scoops her up and, with an authority befitting a XWA champion, slams her to the floor. He then leaps into their air and comes crashing down on her, burying two knees and 211 pounds into the girls stomach. He goes for the cover!
Presagio has ZERO clue where the sound of the referee’s voice and hand slapping is coming from, and would probably be shocked that it was coming from his opponents “plump pigeon breast” area, but he DOES hear it. TWO!!
Presagio smiles in the mouth hole of his mask, glad that his superior skill and si- KICKOUT!!!!!!!
Sarah kicks out from Presagio’s second pinfall attempt, pushing her free shoulder up and kicking out her legs. The hardcore champ growls and picks Sarah up by her hair again, getting his fingers lodged in the curvy waves that she had done especially for the emotional wooing of her wife earlier in the night. He sends a knee into her gut, causing the breath to rush out of her, and then adds a second, forcing her to double over. He then hooks his arm around her head and reaches down to get a grip on her makeshift skirt. He sets his feet for a suplex-
But Sarah ties his leg up with her own, blocking the move! He goes for it again, hoping his superior strength will overpower the block, but she avoids getting suplexed again. He changed tactics and pushes her back to standing and sends in a third knee to stun her, but the albino madwoman catches it! He tries to free himself, hoping backward to create distance, but then Sarah spins and snaps her body to her right, twisting him with a dragonscrew legwhip! He hits the round and howls in pain, clutching his knee, and the Matron of Pigeons goes on the attack. From her base, she launches a kick into his knee, making it snap. She launches a second...and a third! A series of kick to batter the man’s wheel, and then she swoops in, grabs his foot, and launches herself over his body, snapping his leg behind him and to the floor with a SMASH! that makes him cry out in pain.
Back to her feet, Sarah reaches up and pulls down one of the random and unnecessarily artistic pictures on the wall and, hesitating for just a moment to time it perfectly, brings the picture down onto Presagio’s leg, smashing the frame and shattering the glass. She turns around and grabs another picture frame, a wide smile on her face and murder in her totally weirdo red eyes and turns around-
To find Presagio gone!
The masked man is crawling away as fast as he can, back into the main dining room. Sarah gives chase again, running into the room and, with a leap, coming down on the back of his legs with the second picture. Glass shatter and she keeps up the assault, but after deciding she has down enough concussive damage, she pulls on his legs and flops to the ground, wrapping her own legs around his and locking him in a reverse knee bar. After all the damage, this probably would have resulted in an instantaneous tap out if this had been a year ago, but Sarah’s leg strength is not what it was after spending many weeks in wheelchair last year, and is not able to squeeze as tightly as she needs to in order to get the win and the title.
While the pain is still great, Presagio is able to bring his free leg into his body and shoot it outward, his longer legs allowing him to plant a foot deep into Sarah’s abdomen. She howls, the foot hitting the spot where his double knees landed before, and her hold loosens. He reaches back and shoots another kick, again causing the hold to loosen, and finally a think forces her to break. She rolls on the ground, holding her stomach and trying to massage away the pain, not even realizing that she is leaving small cuts on her legs and stomach because of the shattered glass from the picture frames. ◄Manager of Insert Name of Expensive Restaurant►
“What the bloody hell is going on here?!”
A balding man with a bulk threatening to pop the buttons of his tuxedo hells at the two wrestlers with a face of scarlet as patrons of the restaurant continue to get from their tables and run from the carnage. Screaming and pearl-clutching abound as Pregario gets to his feet and then nearly falls as his knee buckles under him. Saran gets to her feet, the small slashes of red blood popping brightly against her moonlight skin. She sees Presagio try to take another stop and fall to one knee, and she pounces. She pops up from her crouch, already into a run, and heads towards the kneeling Presagio. She hates “that flippy shit,” but she knows how to get a little airborne when she knees to: She jumps up, placing her left foot on top of Presagio’s knee, and launches herself forward, her right knee connecting with his face. The Shining Wizard sends him crashing back down to the floor, his eyes momentarily glazed over. Sarah, her killer instinct DEMANDING she win this championship, immediately goes for the cover, even hooking both legs, one with her arm and the other with one of her legs.
But there is no count!
Confused, Sarah looks down at her chest...and doesn’t see her phone! She frantically looks around, head of platinum locks flying left and right, until she sees her phone facedown on the ground amidst the broken glass. Oh no! Her rack (decently plump for her size, thank you very much!) had pushed out the phone and the ref doesn’t seen the pinfall attempt!
Sarah growls and gives up her position, getting to her feet and going for her phone. She picks it up off the ground, shaking it free of shattered picture frame glass, and puts it back in her cleavage. She turns around and sees Presagio trying to get to his feet, clearly still woozy from the knee to the head, and she runs towards him. Sliding on the ground like she was in baseball, a tobvs dumb sport she never would have played, because cheerleading and swimming FTW, she drives her feet into the champ’s left arm at the shoulder. He cries out in pain and, still on the ground, she kicks him several times in the same shoulder, clearly looking to soften up the appendage for her dreaded “Pigeonwing” crossface chickenwing submission.
After getting to her feet, Sarah reaches down and takes Presagio by the hand, pulling him up to his knees, and then, holding out his arm, rears back and sends a stiff kick into his arm. He pulls his arm into his chest, clearly in pain. Sar grabs the arm, jerks it out with such force that a lesser man than Presagio might have their shoulder dislocated, and drives him another kick. But when Sarah goes for a third move, reaching into the proverbial well, the hardcore champ is ready for her. As her foot comes in, Presagio pulls up the platter he had snagged unseen, the very same one which now sported a dent in the shape of his own head, and Sarah’s shin smashes into it! ◄Sarah►
“Fuck ME in the goat ass!”
Sarah clutches her clearly bruised shin, the welt already coming to the surface of her pale skin, as Presagio tries to get to his feet again. Sarah’s sweet as all HELL Windows phone goes off, a quick audio clip of “Everything is Awesome!” and even in her pain, the 20-year-old can’t help but look at her notification. With her free hand, she pulls her phone out of her cleavage and sees a text message from her XWA taggie Angie.◄Angelica►
“El idioma ”
While appreciative that her taggie and absolute BFF (non-spouse!) is watching her match on CoolTube while she is defending the honor of Alianza Del Campeonato Mexicano as champion of ALL of Mexico, she is still embarrassed by being called out for her language by the younger and tobvs too-tall giantess. Again. She shakes her head, mouths ”Sorry, Ang!”
into the phone, and stuffs it back into her shirt. She puts weight on her leg, testing her shin, and nods to herself.
She gives chase after Presagio, who is making his way back through the dining room and towards the entrance. Sarah runs after him as fast as she can, limping hard on her leg, and grabs and hurls anything she can find. A plate off one table. A glass off another. An entire crown rack of lamb from a thing, the hunk of meat finding the back of the hardcore champion and sending him to the ground right at the mouth of the hallway leading to the door. Sarah finally catches up to him and, as he turns over onto his but and sits up, trying to get to his feet, she launches a kick into his back that causes a loud CRACK! in the dining room.◄Sarah►
She launches another kick.◄Sarah►
No one joins her, which they totes would have done if it were Angie, but she sends a third kick.◄Sarah►
She sets her feet and waves her arms, encouraging the diners to do that “OOOoooooOOOOO” thing.
No one does.
She frantically waves her arms.
“DO THE DAMN THING!”
Her screeching finally gets the crowd to go “OOOooooooooOOOOO!” as she leaps forward and sends a stiff kick into the spine of her opponent. And while the crowd STILL did not yell out “OBVS!” for her, they DID groan at the sickening THUD! of the kick. Sarah then takes Presagio’s shoulders and slams him down, immediately covering him for a fall.
Sarah angrily grabs her phone and types ”COUNT FASTER WHEN IT’S ME!”
at the poor referee. She sees Presagio crawling away, clearly shaken from all of the kicks, and gets a smile on her face. It is NOT a sweet smile. She walks over to the podium reserved for the maitre d and, adjusting the microphone to her perfect height, no matter WHAT her taggies says, begins to speak.◄Sarah►
“Oh, and ANOTHER thing!”
Several diners groan as Sarah bursts out with the single greatest signature move off all time, “#EyesOneMe”◄Sarah►
“There isn’t a SINGLE person in ALL of the XWA who can come anywhere CLOSE to my brand of badassary! Well, besides Angelica, tobvs. But that is so overwhelmingly tobvs that even some dullard named Smythe or Morales could figure that out. And not only has my totes bestie Angie, who likes ME WAAAAYYYYYY more than my #BullySister Roxy, freakin’ DOMINATED thus far in this company as the Television Champion, but after TONIGHT, the #CoolKids will have TWO of the singles titles and will soon be the Taggie Team Champions, which is a #Thing now, bee-tee-dub, once Storey and Lx-Tim get their heads out of their asses. Oh! And what a STUPID name Lx-Tim is! In fact, it’s SO stupid, that-
Sarah cuts off as a pretty woman hands her a note. She reads it and looks back up, her face suddenly lit up by a bright smile.◄Sarah►
“Lancaster, Party of 4? Lancaster, Party of 4? Your table is ready.
She smiles wider as a foursome gets up from the bar and head toward the podium, and-BLAM
Sarah falls to the ground after Presagio’s foot caught her full on in the side of her head with a leaping enziguri! But the hardcore champ can’t capitalize, as he fell hard on his injured knee as he came crashing down, all 211 pounds slamming down on the knee that received several kicks from the madwoman. Both competitors in the impromptu hardcore match breath hard and clutch body parts in pain, Sarah her head and shin, Presagio his knee and shoulder. Several members of the wait staff come over, looking to see if everyone is okay, but they scatter as the two wrestlers start to move. Sarah is up to her feet first, but clearly whoosie from the kick, and she gives a stumble-filled charge at the man who carries the title she wants. After cocking back her right arm, she leaps off her foot and thrusts her fist forward, looking for her “Cop Killa” supergirl punch and-FALSE GOD!
Somehow, Presagio was able to duck under the charging and leaping Sarah, grab her in a front waistlock, and using her own momentum, push her up into the air and force her to come crashing down on his knees as he fell to his back! A collective groan comes from the horrified restaurant-goers who have stayed to watch the carnage! This match is over! All he needs to do is roll over and make a pin.
But the hardcore champ is too out of it to make that cover! He tries to reach up with his arm but can’t get it moving after the stiff kicks that had gone into it. By the time is he able to turn over, Sarah has already shaken off the stunning effect of the False God and rolled away, putting her stomach to the mat, her fighter’s instinct telling her to stay off her shoulders at all times. Presagio is finally able to get to his feet, limping heavily on his knee, and he grabs Sarah by her hair again, getting his fingers deep into her roots. He drives a knee into her gut, targeting the area that he has done so much damage to, and then pushes her out and snaps her back in to catch her with a short-arm clothesline. He pulls her right back up and delivers another short-arm clothesline, causing the back of her head to hit the floor hard. The masked man then looks around and, with a twinkle coming to his eye, picks Sarah up and places her on top of one of the tables in the dining room.
After leaving Sarah there, he walks over to a large wine rack and begins to climb. And climb. And climb. Reaching the very top of the wine rack, he stands atop it, his body hunched slightly at the curve of the ceiling, and looks down. Sarah lays on the table, tobvs weird red eyes crossed, but starting to move. The hardcore champion smiles, clearly ready to put an end to this challenger with a massive, and perhaps career-ending dive. He sets his feet, ready to push off as much as his limited space allows, and-
His knee buckles!
All the damage done to his knee earlier in the fight catches up to him!He PLUMMETS!
Sarah’s eyes go wide as she sees the man falling uncontrollably towards her. She pushes herself and rolls off the table, JUST in time to avoid Presagio! The hardcore champion slams into the table from at least 15 feet in the air, sending wood, forks, knives, and plates flying. The few members of the crowd left gasp and groan as he lays in a broken heap!
And then Sarah is on him! She takes a big handful of his suit jacket, pulls him over onto his back, and covers him, making sure to hook both this legs again.
The hand of the referee slaps down on his table at home, the official fall counted through the CoolTube app and the Xperience!
We have a NEW!XWA Hardcore Champion….SARAAAAAAAAH LAAAAACKLAAAAAAN!
Groaning and mumbling to herself, Sarah stumbles away from the wreckage of the former champion and what used to be the table. She holds her stomach, the victim of so many knees, and limps slightly. She finds her way towards her table and, plopping down in her chair, gives her wife Kenzi a smile that can only be described as violence-drunk. Kenzi’s own face is a mask of fury over their “I am SO SORRY for my chesticles, which TOTES belong to you, being the focus of my XWA Face Your Demons promotional poster!” dinner being ruined by her wife’s insatiable NEED to fight.◄Sarah►
“So...did you want to get an appetizer, or…”