“Hey there, XWA Fang Gang!”
Sarah Lacklan is standing in a lockerroom and dressed for battle, her body covered in its lacy green bodysuit, her legs encased in their heavy black knee braces, platinum hair pulled back into a tight braid, and her thick and dorky AS FLAME glasses replaced by her equally thick and annoying contact lenses. The XWA Hardcore 24/7 title is slung over one shoulder and she absently runs the perfectly-manicured fingernails of her free hand over her name on its plate.
“Sarah Lacklan here to send you guys a mash real quick. See, your Royal Badass, the Spoon Which Stirs the Coffee of Life, ME, am getting ready to hold a SECOND championship title RIGHT HERE in Chicago, which has abs become my wrestling home. No-”
From behind Sarah, a caramel-skinned beauty with a mountain of braids piled hair on her head walks into frame, her skin shining from wetness, a white towel in her hand. And nothing else. Brown eyes go wide as she sees the camera.
Kenzi quickly covers up as best she can to hide the goods before spinning and running back into the shower room. Sarah turns to watch her go, her eyes blatantly locked onto that infamous “sweetest booty in ALL the land” and a smile rises to her lips. With a giggle, she turns back to the camera.
“N-E-Ways, I just wanted to give you kiddos this mash because I want you to know that, even AFTER I become the UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion in a few hours, that will NOT detract me from the importance of THIS championship!”
She pats the wide faceplate of the title belt on her shoulder.
“Now, I know that my new bestie Vespy did that whole backhanded compliment thing by saying ‘good job...but not I can go onto bigger things’ line...which just means she’s going to get beat by TWO members of the #CoolKids in title matches in a row...but I hope that I was able to show everyone at Legends that I, and this championship, are not to be forgotten or ignored. Like, sers, if I’m not on everyone’s ‘Who To Watch’ list, then you’re just a bunch of dee dumbs!
“And so everyone is clear, I plan on being around in XWA a LOT in 2019! Believe you me, you are going to see me dominate my division, see Ang dominate on Massacre, AND Team Heel Shit Up become the taggie team champions before the year is through. Oh, and another thing, I-”
Suddenly, the door to their locker room busts in and we see, of all things, a man with rainbow hair covered in tattoos run into the room with a man in a striped shirt run in. Sarah rolls her eyes so hard that, a generation from now, old men will be talking about “That time the world stood still from the Most Epic Eye Roll EVER.”
“Ugh. Hold that thought!”
Sarah runs at Rainbow Washington, surprising her newest contender, and slides across the ground and between his feet. He tries to turn around, but Sarah is already to her feet and leaping, catching him by the back of the head, and bringing him down with a Reverse DDT on the hard floor of the United Center. After a sickening “CRACK!”, she presses her body on top of his and hooks a leg.
The ref raises her hand after getting to her feet. She brushes off her shirt, returns to her position in from of the camera, and offers the XWA audience one of her famous, and RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE TO MAINTAIN, smiles so bright that vampires are both sparkling and bursting into flame.
“See you around!”