"Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

You might think it all ends when the last bell rings, but not in the XWA! This is your first stop to post promos, interviews and character development featuring our stars that is NOT for a current show.
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cooltubesource
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"Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

Postby cooltubesource » Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:46 pm

Sarah Lacklan
“Hey there, XWA Fang Gang!”



Sarah Lacklan is standing in a lockerroom and dressed for battle, her body covered in its lacy green bodysuit, her legs encased in their heavy black knee braces, platinum hair pulled back into a tight braid, and her thick and dorky AS FLAME glasses replaced by her equally thick and annoying contact lenses. The XWA Hardcore 24/7 title is slung over one shoulder and she absently runs the perfectly-manicured fingernails of her free hand over her name on its plate.

Sarah Lacklan
“Sarah Lacklan here to send you guys a mash real quick. See, your Royal Badass, the Spoon Which Stirs the Coffee of Life, ME, am getting ready to hold a SECOND championship title RIGHT HERE in Chicago, which has abs become my wrestling home. No-”


From behind Sarah, a caramel-skinned beauty with a mountain of braids piled hair on her head walks into frame, her skin shining from wetness, a white towel in her hand. And nothing else. Brown eyes go wide as she sees the camera.

Kenzi Grey
“DAMNIT, SAR!”


Kenzi quickly covers up as best she can to hide the goods before spinning and running back into the shower room. Sarah turns to watch her go, her eyes blatantly locked onto that infamous “sweetest booty in ALL the land” and a smile rises to her lips. With a giggle, she turns back to the camera.

Sarah Lacklan
“N-E-Ways, I just wanted to give you kiddos this mash because I want you to know that, even AFTER I become the UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion in a few hours, that will NOT detract me from the importance of THIS championship!”


She pats the wide faceplate of the title belt on her shoulder.

Sarah Lacklan
“Now, I know that my new bestie Vespy did that whole backhanded compliment thing by saying ‘good job...but not I can go onto bigger things’ line...which just means she’s going to get beat by TWO members of the #CoolKids in title matches in a row...but I hope that I was able to show everyone at Legends that I, and this championship, are not to be forgotten or ignored. Like, sers, if I’m not on everyone’s ‘Who To Watch’ list, then you’re just a bunch of dee dumbs!

“And so everyone is clear, I plan on being around in XWA a LOT in 2019! Believe you me, you are going to see me dominate my division, see Ang dominate on Massacre, AND Team Heel Shit Up become the taggie team champions before the year is through. Oh, and another thing, I-”


Suddenly, the door to their locker room busts in and we see, of all things, a man with rainbow hair covered in tattoos run into the room with a man in a striped shirt run in. Sarah rolls her eyes so hard that, a generation from now, old men will be talking about “That time the world stood still from the Most Epic Eye Roll EVER.”

Sarah Lacklan
“Ugh. Hold that thought!”


Sarah runs at Rainbow Washington, surprising her newest contender, and slides across the ground and between his feet. He tries to turn around, but Sarah is already to her feet and leaping, catching him by the back of the head, and bringing him down with a Reverse DDT on the hard floor of the United Center. After a sickening “CRACK!”, she presses her body on top of his and hooks a leg.

ONE!


…---…


TWO!!


…---…


THREE!!!!!!!

The ref raises her hand after getting to her feet. She brushes off her shirt, returns to her position in from of the camera, and offers the XWA audience one of her famous, and RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE TO MAINTAIN, smiles so bright that vampires are both sparkling and bursting into flame.


Sarah Lacklan
“See you around!”
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Re: "Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

Postby cooltubesource » Tue Dec 11, 2018 8:50 pm

Sarah Lacklan sits in a chair, bent over at the waist, elbows on knees, her head down. The albino’s platinum locks fall past her shoulders in two loose tails, and the red eyes behind her thick glasses are on her legs. She wears black tights which would normally shape her legs and #SquatBooty very well, but today are bulbous because of the heavy tap wrapped around her legs underneath her leggings. She had failed the night before in her attempt at securing the UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Championship, and while most of her body was sore, her legs were predictably the worst off.

Sarah Lacklan
“Not your best, Sar-Sar”


Her voice is rough and full of melancholy. She was TIRED. But she was by no means the worst off of the #CoolKids. Her stable of #FourBallsOfHawtness could not possibly go 4-0 at the previous night’s Horizons, since two of them faced one another for a #1 Contender’s opportunity, but they had hoped to go 3-1 overall and secure most of the fed’s championships. Instead, they went 1-3 and walked away with nearly nothing. Her friend Roxy had lost a LOT of blood in the ridiculously over-booked “Carnage” match for their Chaos Championship, and had needed to go to the local hospital. The other three had joined her after their own matches had occurred later in the evening, and stayed overnight.

Some Dude
“Excuse me...are you Sarah Lacklan?”


Sarah looks up and gives an orderly her bright smile. Not even her glasses, messy hair, and mundane clothes could hide who she was, the marketing genius who had spearheaded the #CoolKids and helped get them all on billboards across the country, particularly here in Illinois.

Sarah Lacklan
“You betcha! ‘Eyes on me!’”


Still That Dude
“I’m sorry to ask...but...can I get a selfie?”


Sarah gives him and the phone he pulls out an even bigger smile and gets to her feet, though her legs wobble underneath her and threaten to fall away.

Sarah Lacklan
“Sure thing! Lemme just take off my gl-”


SMASH! The orderly slams the phone into Sarah’s head as she turned away and started to remove her glasses, which clatter to the floor. Sarah goes down in a heap and the orderly pushes her over onto her back and jumps down on her. Out of a closet comes a waiting man in a striped shirt.

ONE!


…---…


TWO!!


She kicks out! The orderly looks at the referee with anger on his face as Sarah instinctively rolls away. She looks up at the two of them, squinting her eyes to try to make out more than two blobs, and then lets out a curse as she makes out the black and white shirt.



Sarah Lacklan
“Oh, fuck ME in the goat ass! Now?!”


The door to the room next to Sarah opens and Kenzi Grey sticks out her head, her mass of braids flying around like the snakes upon a Gorgon’s head.

Kenzi Grey
“What in Tom Cruise is going on out here?”


Sarah Lacklan
“Beloved! Halp! I can’t see!”


Kenzi’s brown eyes go wide at the site of the orderly getting to his feet and heading towards her clearly injured wife.


Kenzi Grey
“Ah, HELL naw! Imma bu-”


Angelica
“Kenzi, NOOOOOO!”


Just as Kenzi was about to curb stomp the orderly, Angie Vaughn slips out from the hospital room behind her and stands in her way, barring her path.

Angelica
“I can’t let you interfere!”


Kenzi Grey
“Interfere? What are you TALKING about?! Sar is getting attacked! She-”


Angelica
“It’s a 24/7 Hardcore match, Kenz!”


Kenzi looks at her friend like she had sprouted a second head, but after a moment, she sees that she is right. Sarah Lacklan...random dude...referee...this WAS a hardcore match.

Kenzi Grey
“This is craxy!”


Angelica
“It’s what she wants!”


Sarah realizes that she is alone, because her GOODY TWO-SHOES BEST and FREAKIN’ TAGGIE TEAM PARTNER won’t let anyone help. Even IF it’s a hardcore match with no rules! Freakin’ Angie.

The dude continues his rush at Sarah, who just sees a blob moving, but she is too fast: Sar has been adapting her style lately to be reactionary, to focus on counters, and it plays into effect here. The orderly tries to stomp on Sarah, but she spins on that famously #SquatBooty (AKA Kenzi’s Favorite Pillow) and sticks out her leg, catching the lumbering orderly with a sweep, which sends him down to the floor. Sar curses her under breath, mostly in fear of Angie hearing her and giving ANOTHER lecture about her potty mouth, and rubs her leg, trying to alleviate the pain which shot through it from the sweep.


Angelica
“You can do it, Sar!”


Sarah rolls her eyes as she gets to her feet, trying her best to catch her bearings without her glasses, and sees the rushing orderly just in time. She sidesteps as he comes in and, feeling him more than seeing him, pushes against his back and sends him running hard into a wall.

CRACK!

The orderly goes down in a heap after connecting with the wall. Sarah jumps down on top of him and fumbles for a leg, finally grabbing a hold of his pant leg and pulling tight.

ONE!


…---…


TWO!!


…---…


THREE!!!!!!!


The referee helps up Sarah to her feet and raises her hand in victory. Angie claps in excitement as Kenzi rushes over to her and puts on her glasses. Sarah takes a moment to scowl at her XWA taggie team partner.



Angelica
“I knew you could do it! Great job, Sar-Sar!”


The XWA Hardcore 24/7 Champion scowls harder
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cooltubesource
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Re: "Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

Postby cooltubesource » Thu Dec 13, 2018 3:13 am

Image

Sarah Lacklan
“HI-IIIIIIIII”


Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan is in all of her glory today. Wearing a dark red dress which glimmers with diamond dust, yes REAL diamonds crushed to a fine powder, which shows a generous amount of pale “plump pigeon breast,” along with a matching parasol slung over one shoulder and a hat which adds at least a foot to her height because of feathers, the Blood Princess stands out like a displaced turn-of-the-century cosplayer as she stands against a backdrop of an business center.

Sarah Lacklan
“Your reason for being, the vowels which connect the words in your alphabet soup, and YOUR XWA Hardcore Champion, Sarah Lacklan, here for ANOTHER installment of #EyesOnMe. Now, make sure you say the hashtag, because we didn’t put it there for no reason! Now, we are HERE today to introduce the XWA Experience with the NEXT BEST THING in ALL of entertainment before you know it...DARK GODDESS PRODUCTIONS!”


Sarah turns with a flourish and points to the sign on the door behind her, which is just a generic 8x11 piece of lined paper that has “DGP” written on it in red. Not even college ruled. That fat stuff for grade school

Sarah Lacklan
“Um...we’re still working on the logo...but THIS IS OUR PLACE IT’S SO AMAZING LEMME GIVE YOU A TOUR!””


Sarah pulls open the door and walks in, the camera following her close behind, careful not to step on the skirts of the dress which fall to the floor, material of a silk to painstakingly crafted that they are worth more than Vespertine makes in three months of Massacres. Inside, we see a small room crammed nearly to the ceiling with camera equipment, boxes of wires and tapes, two small desks with laptop computers on top, and a staging area in the back with a black backdrop and bright lighting rig.

Sarah Lacklan
“This is where the magic happens, Fang Gang! Its not exactly Circle TV or anything, where we produced The Blood Princess Bride and All That Glitters, but it IS where we put together CooL.A.Noire and our most recent film, Paper Dolls, starring Roxy Cotton, and will be the HOME of ALL of the newest #CoolContent. And here is THE person in charge of it all, the person who flips my pancakes, the woman who breads my peach, the owner of the sweetest booty in ALL the land, Kenzi Grey-Lacklan!”


The camera takes in one of the desks where Kenzi, Sarah’s long-suffering wife, is clacking away at her computer, working. Thankfully wearing clothes this time, she offers the XWA camera a quick wave.

Image

Sarah Lacklan
“Why don’t you tell all of my NEW Fang Gangers out there what we’re working on today, Beloved?””


Kenzi looks up from her computer again and, with a movement of her hand to brush away a series of her long thin braids away from her face, gives Sarah and the camera a thoughtful look.

Kenzi Grey
“Well, right now we’re finalizing the casting for Top Nun, and we are putting some scripts together for a serial about my favorite series of novels, Sarha, the Vampire Chronicles, and...”


Kenzi trails off. She folds her arms over her breasts and a scrunch of anger comes to her caramel face.

Kenzi Grey
“Stop staring at my chest!”


Sarah starts in surprise, the odd red eyes behind her thick glasses going wide with clearly feigned innocence.

Sarah Lacklan
“What?! Now way! I would NEVER do that! Are you craxy?!”


Kenzi narrows her eyes at her and then gives her her famous “Wow..okay!” nod of her head and smirk, and goes back to her work. Sarah’s pale face blushes, knowing full well what that nod and smirk meant for later, but then starts again at the sound of the door opening and a bell jingling. She spins to face the door and puts on her award-winning (1st Place Three Years Running!) smile.

Sarah Lacklan
“Hi! Welcome to Dark Goddess Productions. How can I help you?”


A man in a brown uniform and cap walks, clipboard in hand, enters the small building.

Delivery Guy
“Package for Sarah Lacklan?”


Sarah Lacklan
“That’s me! Reigning Marketing Genius of DGP!”


The name hands her the clipboard and pen, and Sarah signs her name to the bottom with wide, looping letters which look suspiciously like Comic Sans, because of course they do, and hands it back. The man looks back out the door with a grimace on his face..

Delivery Guy
“Its really big...give me a hand outside?”


Sarah Lacklan
“That is SO what servants are for."


Kenzi Grey
“Employees!”


Sarah Lacklan
“Same thing!”


Kenzi Grey
“That is 100% WRONG!”


Sarah Lacklan
"Whatev. N-E-Ways. Like, legit sers. But! I can at least WATCH you do manual labor. That coolio?”


The man gives her a shrug and walks about the door. Sarah turns and blows a sloppy kiss to Kenzi, who shakes her head in annoyance while she works, and then follows the man outside. She stands at the back of his diesel as he begins to fold up the door.

Delivery Guy
“...its right in here...”


The door pulls up with a clatter to reveal an empty cargo bay. Empty except for one thing:

A man wearing a white and black striped shirt with an apologetic look on his face.

Sarah sighs so hard that the National Sighing Committee uses it as an example for aspiring Professional Sighers.


Sarah Lacklan
“...dang it...”


The champion ducks just in time to avoid the clothesline from behind from the man hoping to cash in on the 24/7 hardcore title. The surprise of the missed move forces him to run into his own truck, doubling over at the waist. Sarah capitalizes, running forward and grabbing him from behind, trying to hook his head to drop him into the Abyss. But The woman’s unnecessarily fashionable dress it to constricting! She can’t maneuver enough and the Man in Brown is able to push her away before he can get caught. Sarah growls as she gets her bearing, as much as the fact that she has to fight in her dress and heels as she is at being denied a quick finish. She rushes him-

-which was dumb-

-and the faux delivery man ducks and, using her own momentum, backdrops her up and over the lip of the truck and down onto the bed of the truck.


Sarah Lacklan
“MOTHER FU-”


Sarah groans in pain and stops her curse seconds before she was going to get a text from Angie Vaughn, who somehow knew when she was swearing even IF she was at home at the IGADP Ranch in Texas and NOT in Los Angeles with the Grey-Lacklans. She holds her back as she rolls onto her stomach and gets up to her knees, and her head snaps up as she hears her challenger jump up into the bed with her. He sneers at her and runs, his feet sounding like thunder in the echo chamber of the truck bed, and kicks her in the face before she can move out of the way. She cries out in pain as his work boot slams into her forehead and her eyes cross. She rolls the other way and avoids a stomp, finally struggling to her knees, but then qets squashed as she lunges forward and presses her against the side of the bed.

Delivery Guy
“Not going to be champion anymore!”


Sarah’s high cheekbones rise even higher as she grimaces in disgust, the man’s breath acrid in her face.

Delivery Guy
“You never should have jumped my hero in that restaurant, chick. You never should ha AAAAHHHHH!”


The man should have paid more attention to the Lessons of the Incredibles presentation that Sar put together with 27 slides (available on the #CoolTube app!) and not allowed himself to monologue. The knee in his groin was solid and swift, and he fell to his knees, clutching Mr. Winkie with both hands. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, Sarah kicks him in the chest with the foot of her heel and plants him on his behind. Smiling, Sarah circles around him, her back sliding against the wall for a moment in the cramped space, and crouches. She raises her arms into the air and speaks to the referee:

Sarah Lacklan
“...do the thing...”


The referee stares at her with a dumb expression on his clueless face. In response, Sarah stamps her foot like a three-year-old refused her favorite toy and screeches like a banshee before she lunges forward:

Sarah Lacklan
“I SAID DO THE THING, YOU PEASANT!”


Thankfully for the referee, he figured out what Sarah wanted in time.

OOoooooooooOOOOO

TOTES!

Sarah’s leg slams into the delivery man with a soccer kick to the back, and suddenly the man had more than just some crushed family jewels to worry about. His chest juts out reaction to being kicked in the spine and his arms fly backward as he screams out in pain.

Which was the point.

Sarah pulls up her skirts (don’t stare too hard, boys!) and slips to her knees, her face a mask of annoyance at the pantyhoes which were no doubt RUINED NOW DANGIT, and snatched his right arm. She jerks it behind up and upward into a hammerlock, then slides her left arm around his head, forcing his chin to the right. Then with a smile of utter malice, Sarah pushes her left arm down and right arm up simultaneously until her hands are close enough to grasp her fingers.

The delivery man screams out in pain as the Pigeonwing is locked in, and quickly screams that he gives up. The referee is there and taps Sarah on the shoulder, instructing her to release the hold. She holds on for a few moments longer, relishing in the feel of the man’s cries under her arms, and finally lets go. The referee takes her hand and raises it into the air, winner and still champion, yet again.

Sarah gets to her feet and walks down the length of the truck’s bed, her heels making wobbly steps on the floor. She gingerly gets down to the ground (that is a LONG way up for 5’2” BAYBAY!) and collects her fallen hat. After giving it a brush, she plops it back atop her head, making sure to tuck her platinum top knot back underneath and, with a practiced movement belying her odd yet rewarding upbringing, spreads her skirts and gives her latest conquest a deep curtsy.
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cooltubesource
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Re: "Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

Postby cooltubesource » Thu Dec 13, 2018 8:46 pm

~~Presenting the PrincessTwilightSexyFang podcast, as viewed through the app which crashed both the Playstore AND the Apple Store, the #CoolTube app~~

Sarah Lacklan
“Sup, Fang Gang!”


Image

The camera is on an extreme close-up of Sarah Lacklan. The odd red irises behind her thick glasses both clash and compliment the large emerald earrings dangling from her earlobes, and her perfectly-maintained platinum eyebrows are high atop her face as she gives that billion $$$ smile of teeth so bright that Hawaii’s Pearl Factory is hounding her to be their spokesman

Sarah Lacklan
“I am totes glad that you all going join me today. Now, this is an pretty ubes moment rn cause I’m stuck in a meeting...here...lemme show you…”


Sarah turns the camera around to show that she is sitting in a chair at the DGP studio. The two desks have been smushed together and five other people sit around them, so close in the small space that their elbows touch.

Sarah Lacklan
“Say HI, everyone!”


Three of the woman quickly say hello and wave their hands, a tinge of fear in their eyes, but Kenzi Grey shakes her head and offers Sarah a grimace.

Kenzi Grey
“What are you doing, babe?”


Sarah Lacklan
“Just recording this production meeting!”


Kenzi Grey
“You really shouldn’t be doing that, babe.”


Sarah Lacklan
“Oh, please. There are LOTS of things with us in I have recorded that I probs shouldn’t have. This is NOTHING compared to those!!”


Kenzi’s sighs and reaches forward, taking a bottle in hand. She pours a red liquid into a glass...and then doubles it. Why? Because:

Image

Kenzi Grey
“Moving on! Top Nun is in post and CTN has begun promoting its debut. Does anyone have any new ideas for content?”


A hand shoots up belonging to a pretty girl. Fans of the PrincessTwilightSexyFang podcast know her as one of Sarah’s high school friends, Ashley, who is in charge of much of the #CoolTube content, as well as overseeing the @CoolTubeSource twitter handle

Ashley
“How about a docuseries on the Hitgirls next season?”


Kenzi’s ridiculously kissable and lickable lips pout in thought. The “Lacklan” side of the Grey-Lacklan’s owned a Ladies Football League team based in Cincinati which many members of their larger circle of friends played for

Kenzi Grey
“That’s a great idea, Ash. We-”


Ashley
“We can call it Hard Knockers!”


Kenzi’s groan and facepalm was so epic that Patrick Stewart has just contacted his agent on how to be Kenzi’s understudy in life in order to bring new face-palming life to Jean-Luc Picard in that new series they are working on.

Kenzi Grey
“Ash, that-”


Sarah Lacklan
“Hmmmmmm….”


Sarah’s “thinking” noise interrupts Kenzi and all eyes go to her. She places one of her exceedingly flawless nails on her cute-as-flame chin in thought and then gives a nod.

Sarah Lacklan
“I can market that.”


Kenzi groans again as the other woman at the table give up a “Huzzah!” Sarah reaches forward and picks up her glass and raises it in a toast.

Image

Everyone but Kenzi
“To marketing!”


Kenzi massages her temples with her fingers, fighting off the everpresent headache that was her soulmate, as the other five woman drink. The jingle at the door brings Sarah to her feet and her brilliant smile to her face.

Sarah Lacklan
“Hi there! I’m Sarah...”


She turns to face her camera phone squarely

Sarah Lacklan
Marketing Genius


Back to the newcomer.

Sarah Lacklan
“How can I help you?”


The newcomer is a pretty girl, perhaps no more than 20, which shapely hips and bright eyes. She smiles at Sarah and subtly pulls in her shoulders to make her slightly swell.

Random Chick
“Hi! I’m here to apply for the open intern position?”


Sarah’s eyes light up and her mouth opens slightly. Not EXACTLY agape like a fish, but certainly HEADED that way. She pulls out a clipboard from behind the counter and places it on top.

Sarah Lacklan
“Wonderful! Now, if you’re just fill this out...”


The woman gives a sultry smile and hunches over, the subtly swelling of her bust smushing together to an almost comical level and Sarah’s eyes glaze over.

Random Chick
“Sure thing. I-”


CRASH!

Wine and glass shatter as the bottle connects with the woman’s head, spilling to the floor. The woman falls in a heap, her legs giving out underneath her with a weak wobble. Kenzi’s face is full of fierce and angry lines, her braids swaying to make her seem the Predator of movie fame. Sarah’s eyes go wide at the scene, and everything seems to stand still for a moment, until Ashley’s voice makes them all move.


Ashley
“Wow, Kenzi! How did you know she was going to go after Sarah’s Hardcore Championship?”


Kenzi Grey
“wut”


Ashley points outside and all heads turn to see a man who stands, hands in pockets, with a striped shirt.

Kenzi Grey
“Oh! Um...yeah! I saw him. That is absolutely why I hit this dumb whore...er...wrestler...with the wine bottle. Because I saw the referee. And no other reason.”


Sarah shakes herself from her daze and, with eyes on Kenzi that are filled with a heat that anyone who knows them knows means that they will be in for quite the adventure soon, covers the unconscious would-be challenger for the 24/7 Hardcore Title. Outside the DGP studio, the referee counts the three.

ONE!


…---…


TWO!!


…---…


THREE!!!!!!!



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cooltubesource
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Re: "Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

Postby cooltubesource » Fri Dec 14, 2018 8:44 pm

Image


Sarah Lacklan
“GOOOooooooooOOOOOOO HIT GIRLS!”


In a scene straight out of some neckbeard’s fantasies, Sarah Lacklan jumps and shakes red and white pompoms, the skirt of her cheerleader uniform rising up to show so much skin that it would be shocking to know that she wore anything underneath. Several other woman are behind her, all a variety of shapes and sizes, and as the group goes into a choreographed routine, Sarah stands tall, hands on hips, and gives us that billion $$$ smile.

Sarah Lacklan
“HIII-iiiiiiii! I am SO glad that you have joined me for today’s edition of ’Eyes On Me’, a special docuseries of ’Keepin’ Up With the Cool Kids’, available on the CoolTube streaming app! In this glimpse of my totes amazeballz life, you get to see what I and my friends to just about EVERY Friday throughout the year...the Lingerie Football League!”


Sarah makes a grand gesture with her pompoms as the squad continues their routine, and the camera turns to take in the field filled with women in the odd assortment of football pads and lingerie.

Sarah Lacklan
“Last year, my Beloved did her whole ‘I’m THIS now!’ routine and wanted to play football, so here we are!”


The camera scans the field and we see names on the backs of red and gold uniforms which most would know as either #CoolKids or their wider circle of friends. Angie “Loaded Boot” Vaughn, Roxy “Starting to drink before the end of the first half” Cotton, Ashley “Better hide your nudes” Marie Chase, Trixie “Busy in 27 different feds” Smith. But there are also others who would surprise those not paying attention, including “That weird French chick” Le Bord de Dieu, “Not sure if anyone knows my last name” Coda, Elizabeth “ZOMG YOU GIVES ME THE CAKE” Blackwell, and rookie sensation Amira “Gonna trigger Sam Tolson because I’m also in China wrestling right this moment” Doe, and more. The camera also finds their coaching staff, which includes Mr. MIA himself, Andre Holmes, and the lecherous Generic Heel.

The two teams line up in their formations, and Kenzi’s leans over the gargantuan back of their center, Bobbi London, and Sarah’s distinctive purring sound overrides everything as that “sweetest booty in ALL the land" juts out. The camera swings back to Sarah as Kenzi calls for the ball and quickly hands it off to Amira, despite an offensive strategy which basically forbids it.


Sarah Lacklan
“Now, there are TONS of LFL teams out there, but NONE of them have what WE do. And that thing? That thing which separates us from ALL of the other teams? We have...ME! Sarah Lacklan-”


Sarah flips back her platinum hair with a flourish and puts her hands back on her hips as she juts one out, accentuating her figure.

Sarah Lacklan
“-Marketing Genius.”


She flashes her smile again and, though no one can explain the hows or whys, a sparkle of flight shines from one of her teeth and a flourish of soft notes from a flute plays from somewhere.

Sarah Lacklan
“And because of that, we have something NO ONE else has...CHEERLEADERS! I tapped into my dual skills of being both the Valedictorian AND Head Cheerleader at Lacklanland High to assemble a team of wonderful cheerleaders, who you see behind me. Now...”


She turns on her heel and we get a chance to see her team as their continue their routine. They are an odd bunch, which include bee-obsessed Jessika Hyde, Claire Daniels...yes, THAT Claire who has the twitter account you need to keep muted at all times, else have your boss wondering why your friend posts a constant stream of BDSM hentai…, and Ho-

Sarah Lacklan
“DAMNIT HONEY YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG AGAIN I HATE YOU SO MUCH WHY DO YOU EXIST”


Sarah’s shrill scream is directed towards Honey “Sunshine” Smith, the bubbly blonde who literally everyone in the wrestling business loves and adores. Her right arm is ever-so-slightly lower than it should be, and Honey gives Sarah her sweet smile.

Honey Smith
“Sorry, Sarbear! I’ll try harder!”


Sarah Lacklan
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL CUT YOU FROM THIS SQUAD SO FAST THAT-”


Kenzi Grey
“INCOMING!”


Sarah’s completely unexplainable and irrational hatred for the woman who is legitimately the nicest and universally well liked wrestler there has ever been is cut off by the quarterback’s cry. Sarah turns around and her eyes go wide as the pigskin comes flying towards the cheer squad, followed by Roxy and a Havok defender. The girls scatter as Roxy makes the catch, unfortunately out of bounds, and all are happy for their safety.

Until the Havok defender cuts at the last second and smashes into Sarah. The two go down, Sarah hitting hard with an
”OOF!”. The defender doesn’t move right away, perhaps with the wind knocked out of her, and a referee comes over to help them up.

A referee who falls to her knees.

ONE!


…---…



What the-


TWO!!


…---…


Um….

THRE-

KICK OUT!


Sarah kicks out, pushing up until her shoulders come off the fake rubber grass, and her eyes go wide as saucers. She looks over to the referee and sees that the patch on her breast does NOT read “LFL”

It reads “XWA”


Sarah Lacklan
“HOT DAMNIT!”

The eyes beneath the Havok helmet go wide as Sarah meets her, Sarah’s odd red irises suddenly full of fire.

Sarah Lacklan
“THIS IS MY DAY OFF, DAMN YOU!”


The would-be challenger tries to get off Sarah, but she learns the same lesson that Kenzi learned nearly two years ago: The Blood Princess is just as dominant from the bottom position as she is the top. When trying to push of Sarah, the Havok player exposed her arm and, quick as one of Angie’s cats trying to get after a certain dwarf bunny, Sarah strikes, grapevining her arm in her own. The player cries out in pain, and Sarah rolls them both over until they are on their stomachs, the arm underneath her, and pulls up toward her own body, forcing the elbow closer to the point of hyperextension.

The Havok player has no choice but to slam the fake grass in a tap out.

Sarah growls as the referee helps her up and raises her hand. The cheer squad look at her in confusion, but then Sarah takes a deep breath and puts her smile back on.


Sarah Lacklan
“Ready? Okay!”
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Re: "Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

Postby cooltubesource » Mon Dec 17, 2018 8:47 pm

Sarah Lacklan stares away from the camera, her pale face a mask of scrunched up petulant rage.

Sarah Lacklan
“This is ridiculous.”


The albino’s high-pitched Londoner accent is as filled with as much petulance and rage as her face, seeming to be at the very precipice of falling to the floor and stomping her fists and feet because she cannot even.

Sarah Lacklan
“This is SO embarrassing.”

dem quads, tho!
so embarrassed for you rn
Sarah growls at the text message on her totes SWEET Windows phone. Perfectly manicured nails type back a reply with furious speed.
Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
Shit up, Claire! The Pats are YOUR team, too!
dem quads, tho!
but i wasnt dumb enuf to bet my title tho
Sarah scowls again as she looks away from her phone and to the scene before her. Kenzi Grey-Lacklan is dancing on top of a bar, her long braids flying around like the seats on one of those scary AS FLAME “swing” carnival rides, while the patrons of the restaurant cheer her on. Along with her K-Mart brand shirt and pants combo ("They are just as good!”), the thing which catches the eye is the XWA Hardcore Championship around her waist. Sarah lets out a disgusted sound.

Sarah Lacklan
“This is the literal worst. Nothing worse than this has happened to anyone anywhere in the history of the world”


Sarah looks into the camera.

Sarah Lacklan
“Just want to apologize now, dear Fang Gang, for the WORST edition of ‘Eyes On Me’ that there will EVER be. Because a TERRIBLE thing happened yesterday. In a moment of CLEAR AND TOBVS cheating, in a game full of BLATANT coddling, the goddamn STEELERS STOLE A VICTORY from the BEST time in the HISTORY of football, MY New England Patriots. And because of that…”


She gestures to the scene at the bar.

Sarah Lacklan
“I have to deal with THIS indignity for 24 HOURS! My God! It has been TERRIBLE!”


The pale and, lets face it, amazeballzley hawt face of the actual XWA Hardcore champion is close to tears.

Sarah Lacklan
“FIRST we went to Gabe’s Bar and Grill, ya know, the one over on Sepulveda? HUGE Steelers bar. And not only was she wearing MY title all night, she made me wear my cute AS FLAME Tom Brady jersey while SHE also word her dirty, gross, smelly Limas Sweed jersey. And THEN Mrs. We Need to Spend Less Money, Babe decided to go to BREAKFAST so that she could wear the title. AND we took a DAMNED BUS so that MORE people could see her. And now, we are at our THIRD MEAL OUT since she won that STUPID BET so that even MORE people can see her wearing MY TITLE. I mean, the fact that my title was the ONLY thing she wore to bed last night was pretty coolio and all, but STILL. This is SO unfair. And then- ”


Server
“Is that the XWA Hardcore Champ?”


Sarah cuts off as her server shows up again, and she was JUST ABOUT to RIP into the guy about how, no, SHE was the Hardcore champ and NOT that fan of CHEATERS who was dancing on the bar, but she stops herself. She recognizes the look in his eye as he stares at her darling and beloved wife:

Burning desire.

Sarah had had to fight off a LOT of dumb bitches and whores in the two years she and Kenzi had been best friends, lovers, and spouses, and thus she knew that look well, but THIS was different. Whereas MOST people feasted their eyes on the soft caramel goods of the wrestling and television star, HIS eyes were on her waist.

On her title.

Sarah’s smile is as full as mischief as any the Cheshire ever gave Alice.


Sarah Lacklan
“Yes. Yes it is.”


She lets out of one of her characteristic giggles as she hands him has bottle of wine with the instruction of “Here! Use this!”

She sits back with her drink in her hand as the server sneaks up behind the crowd of people hooting and hollaring at the dancing megastar.

She shoots Claire Rogers a quick text about how their team was about to be avenged as the server climbs up on a chair.

And she straight-up PURRS as Kenzi, in her own right a multi-time champion, senses what is about to happen and ducks as the last second, the wine bottle misses its target and smashes some unsuspecting patron in the head. Kenzi stares at the Judas server and then snaps to Sarah, who puts on an expression of pure innocense. Kenzi’s eyes narrow, suspicious clear, and then yelps out as she is taken down from behind by the server.

And that was when all hell broke loose.


Sarah Lacklan
“Oh snap!”


Kenzi and the server tumble off the bar and to the ground. The guy who inadvertently got smashed with the wine bottle wipes his eyes and takes a swing at whoever hit him, but misses and hits some random dude. Another random dude gets shoved and then HE takes a swing. A chair gets smashed over someone’s head. A person gets slid across the bar like he was in some old western.


Sarah Lacklan
“This is craxy!”


Sarah pops a mouthful of edemane beans with a smile, her odd red irises flashing in the light with utter joy, as men scream and curse. On the floor, Kenzi has finally given herself some distance with the server, and after pushing herself up into the air with an assist from a stool, came down on the guy’s head with a curb stomp, leaving him laying. After the skull-crushing move, she looks around, braids flying, trying to make sense of the insane scene.

Sarah Lacklan
“...dang it...”


Sarah growls as she sees that the manager of the restaurant had entered the room. At first she thought the fun was over, but then she saw that same look of greed in his eyes and, because of course there is, a white and black striped shirt-wearing man at his side. The manager seems to be ready to cash in on what his server started. Sarah rolls her eyes so hard that this gif must be put up in post:

Image

Sarah sets down her drink, pops one last edamame bean, and gets to her feet. She runs towards her wife and the danger, unable to keep the smile from her face.

Sarah Lacklan
“BELOVED!”


As Kenzi turns around at the sound of the voice which makes her skin fill with gooseflesh, Sarah leaps off one foot and pulls back the opposing arm. Kenzi instantly copies the motion and, just as the manager had gotten close, the two push their arms forward and connect on either side of his head with a double supergirl punch.

Somewhere in the distance, a hawk screams.

Sarah places her heeled boot on top of the man’s chest after he crumpled to the floor, and the referee quickly counts the three. Kenzi angrily removes the XWA Hardcore title and thrusts it towards Sarah.


Kenzi Grey
“Here! I’m done wearing you DUMB TITLE It is WAY too dangerous!.”


Sarah giggles as she takes it and straps it around her waist in the middle of the bedlam.
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Re: "Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

Postby cooltubesource » Wed Dec 19, 2018 3:24 am

Image


Angie whips her opponent into the ropes and drops down as he comes back. The game leaps over her body and runs straight into a spinning kick to the gut from Sarah. He doubles over in pain, a loud “OOF!” coming from him as all the air shoots out of his body. Back to her feet, Angie grabs him from behind in a rear waistlock, keeping him in place, as Sarah whips around with another kick, this time her heel connecting with the side of his face. Spittle flies from the poor man’s mouth as Angie uses the momentum of the kick to swing him around, then sets her feet and, with a grunt coming from her, hoists him up and over with a twirling German suplex and makes him land hard on his shoulder.

Sarah Lacklan
“Ow!”



Sarah is clubbed from behind by their other opponent, her forearm dropping her to her knee, but Angie is already there. The Legendary Leggy Blonde runs forward and uses her taggie team partner’s position to leap off her back and, using the technique taught to her by Sarah, drives her knee into the man’s face and dropping him to the ground. Sarah rolls forward from her crouch, running as soon as she gets to a vertical base, and hits the ropes. Rebounding for more speed, she runs at Angie, who catches her from the side, and spins her up until Sarah is above even that totes too tall 5’10” height, and Angie brings Sarah down with a tilt-a-whirl splash on the downed opponent.

Angelica
“Good job, Sar-Sar!”


Sarah offers that billion $$$ smile as she gives out a hand and Angie helps her to her feet. The two head to their corner of the ring where they are met by various members of Sarah’s Legion of Interns, all suspiciously and conveniently pretty girls their own age with pleasant curves, who offer them both towels to wipe away sweat and bottles to drink from. After using the offered items, Sarah turns her attention to the camera at ringside.

Sarah Lacklan
“Hey there, Fang Gang! This is the apple of the eye of a great man, the desire of the loins of WAY too many creeps online, Sarah Lacklan here along with my taggie team partner, Angie Vaughn.”


Angie gives the camera a wave as she drinks from a water bottle.

Sarah Lacklan
“Now, as a LOT of you know, I’m not JUST the XWA Hardcore Champion, and Ang isn’t JUST the champion of ALL Television, but we are ALSO Team He-”


She cuts off as she looks at Angie out of the corner of her eyes. Angie’s normally sweet face had suddenly been filled with suspicion.

Sarah Lacklan
“-er...Team Awesomesauce…”


Angie’s sweet face returns.

Sarah Lacklan
“…and one of our goals in the XWA is to become the taggie team champions! Now, I know that all of you LOVE how the two of us are all OVER your screen-


Angelica
“Especially Vespertine!”



Sarah Lacklan
"Tobvs. She CAN’T STOP talking about us, and can’t WAIT to lose to two #CoolKids in a row, but we can promise the ENTIRE company that you are going to be seeing MORE of us! There has been a lot of talk about the taggie team division, since some dude took off his mask to be uber lame-"


Angelica
“His name is Storey, Sar-Sar ”


Sarah Lacklan
“Pfft, like THAt matters...and the OTHER has the DUMBEST name this side of Black Blood-”


Angelica
“His name isn’t ACTUALLY Lx-Tim, Sar. We’ve been over this. ”


Sarah Lacklan
“We’ve ALSO been over how that doesn’t actually matter, Ang! N-E-Ways, there has ALSO been talk about some kind tag tourney or something, but what people around here DON’T know is that we’ve actually already won it! You see, Team Heel...er...Awesomesauce is UNDEFEATED in taggie team competition-


Angelica
“2-0, BAYBAY!”


Sarah Lacklan
“And we have NO intention of taking one of those Ls that people like Kagome know so well. In fact, even WITH our totes busy schedules of being as generally badass as we are-”


Angelica
“Please don’t swear, Sar.”


Sarah Lacklan
“We have STILL gotten in a ton of training just for US! This morning, we spent time at Dark Goddess Productions working on some lame show-”


Angelica
“Top Nun isn’t lame, Sar! You just have a belly full of jelly that Kenz asked ME to be in it and not you!”


Sarah Lacklan
“Whatev! After Top Nun, we hit up Bible Study for a bit to bring joy to the lives of the kids at my local church-”


Angelica
“Shout out to Calvary Chapel Beverly Hills!”


Sarah Lacklan
“-and we’ve been in here since. Working on our timing. Working on our communication. Working on some SWEET tandem moves. That tag tourney/league/thinamagig is OURS to lose, and neither Ang nor I play on-”


Sarah’s eyes suddenly go wide as she is lifted up into the air.

Sarah Lacklan
“What the-”


She is driven down on the back of her neck with a back suplex. The man who did it, one of the two sparring partners they had been working with, spun his body and floated over into a pin and he hooks Sarah’s far leg.

Angelica
“Hey! That was NOT fair!”


Angie runs forward and, a pace away from the two, swings her leg back and forward.

Hey, remember that time Angie punt kicked Albion so hard on Massacre that her name actually scrambled to say “Albino” and she thought she was Sarah for a few hours? Yeah, that pales in comparison to this Vaughnemous kick. The man’s head snaps back at an angle which would likely have made a 55 yard field goal in an LFL arena and he rolls off Sarah’s body which such a limpness to his limbs that 20th Century Fox is leaping to their phones to contact the poor guy to star in the Weekend at Bernie’s remake.

And then Angie notices the referee.


Angelica
“...oh no....”


The XWA referee.

Angelica
“...what have I done…?”


Who was ready to count the pinfall.

Angelica
“...I...I...cheated?!”


At first, Angie’s face was horrified. And then she hid her face in shame with her hands. But not she was decidedly green.

Sarah Lacklan
“Ang?”


But it is too late. Just like when she was on a boat, Angie finds the fact that she accidentally helped Sarah in a 24/7 Hardcore Title defense to be too much for her tummy to handle. She stumbles over to the side of the ring and pukes out every meal she has had in what looks like three days.

Sarah can only sigh and shake her head as she covers her nearly decapitated opponent for the three count.


Sarah Lacklan
“SUCH a drama queen.”
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Re: "Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

Postby cooltubesource » Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:14 am

Image

Four sets of contented sighs fill the room. Four women lay back in chairs, their feet soaking in small tubs, their eyes and foreheads covered by steaming towels.

Sarah Lacklan
“We need to do this every week before your Queen City shows.”


The XWA Hardcore Champion’s Londoner accent is unmistakable, as is her pale tone in comparison to the two women on either side of her. Her wife’s caramel skin covered in tiny tattoos is clear, but the deep tan of the woman at the end of the foursome is unknown to the Experience at this stage, and has a body which looks as if it were created by a man in a laboratory looking to create the most attractive woman ever.

Amira Doe
“Thanks for the invite, guys.”


The woman on the far end is not as pale as Sarah, but that is like saying that eggshell is not white in comparison to nearly translucent. Two sets of sighs accompany her words, but the woman with the bronze tan just smirks.

Roxy Cotton
“Sorry to burst your bubble, bb, but you’re still losing tonight.”


Sarah groans as she raises her head up and removes her towel, her face freshly cleansed and sparkling. She gives the camera her billion $$$ smile.

Sarah Lacklan
“Hey there, XWA Fang Gang! What you see before you are four of the baddest bitches on the planet getting their nails did before these three have matches for Queen City Pro! Now, it IS lame that we have to be here in the Carolinas-”


Kenzi Grey
“I like it here, Selena.”


Roxy Cotton
“It smells like loser, Kenz.”


Sarah Lacklan
“I have to agree with my #BullySister Roxy on THAT one! The Carolinas blow chunks. Not as bad as those hillbillies ‘Down South’ or anything, but-”


The other three women groan. It’s only a snobby Mainite like Sarah who would consider Connecticut “down south” or “hillbilly country.”

Sarah Lacklan
“-but at least they have this killer spa. We’ve had facials...and not the kind Roxy is used to-”


Roxy Cotton
“Die in a fire, Sar.”


Sarah Lacklan
“...love you, too! And then we got our nails did, obvs. Here, check out THIS batch of kickassocity:”


Sarah flashes her nails to the camera, who zooms in, to see nails lacquered black and each featuring a letter written in a red to match her eyes. Starting from one pinky and stretching to the other is written “M-A-R-K-E-T-I-N-G-!”

Sarah Lacklan
“I am, after all, a-”


She flips her hair back and we again hear the fluttering notes of a piano.

Sarah Lacklan
“Marketing Genius. And now we are in the middle of getting our feet done, and-”


She looks around, her face falling into confusion.

Sarah Lacklan
“Hey, what happened to Angie? She was here before...”


Both Roxy and Kenzi lift up their towels and look around, but Amira answers the question from underneath hers.

Amira Doe
“She got a text and said she had to leave. Something about Bobby being sick? ”


The three #CoolKids all look at each other with knowing glances. How convenient that Bobby remembered how to text just in time to miss out on having to take her socks off.

Kenzi Grey
“She’s probably better off. This place is EXPENSIVE!”


Roxy Cotton
“You’re only saying that because they charged you twice as much to do your feet.”


Kenzi Grey
“You think it’s because I’m black?”


Roxy Cotton
“No, because you’re feet are bigger than your head.”


Kenzi Grey
“My feet are dainty!”


Roxy Cotton
“Sure, if ‘Dainty’ was the name of your new boat.”


Sarah Lacklan
“I love Kenzi’s feet!”


Everyone
“We know!”


Manager
“Sorry to interrupt, but are you ready?”


The small woman who ran the salon walked into the room with four women behind her. Without waiting for an answer, she pointed at two of our heroines, Kenzi and Amira, and two of the women helped them out of the foot tubs and into the next room for their massages. In the meantime, Roxy and Sarah settled back onto their chairs, with Roxy putting her towel back over her face and Sarah regarding the camera again.

Sarah Lacklan
“I hope that everyone on the Experience has HURK!”


Sarah’s voice cuts off as one of the salon workers slips a strip of twine over her throat and pulls backward, choking her against the back of the chair. She tries to call out, but the woman pulls her body down to the ground, keeping Sarah from speaking or even breathing. But the series of gurgles coming from her are enough to at least catch the attention of Roxy.

Roxy Cotton
“You okay, bb?”


More gurgles and groans from Sarah as she tries to get her fingers in between her swan’s neck and the twine of her attacker.

Roxy Cotton
“Seriously, Sar, why do you ALWAYS have to be such a diva?”


Roxy takes off her towel and sits up, her eyes going wide at Sarah’s condition. She looks down at the salon worker and her face looks thoughtful.

Roxy Cotton
“Maya? Does Mizore know you are out of your coma?”


Another salon worker comes running and grabs Sarah by the hands, pulling her to the floor just as her coworker lets go of her neck. Roxy gets a good look at the second attacker and her face is even more puzzled.

Roxy Cotton
“Coda, you work here, too? You’ve really gone down in the world, bb.”


The woman pushes Sarah to the ground and covers her, and a third woman arrives, this one wearing a black and white striped shirt.

Roxy Cotton
“Song? You aren’t STILL mad about Kenzi dumping you for Sarah, are you? That was years ago!”



ONE!


…---…


Roxy Cotton
“What the-?”


TWO!!


…---…



Roxy Cotton
“Oh!”


Roxy quickly gets to her feet and reaches down to grab a handful of the woman’s hair and pull her off Sarah. She then grabs her miniature friend and pulls her up to her feet.

Roxy Cotton
“You’re not orchestrating another kidnapping, are you, bb? I don’t want to see Lucy tweeting about it, again.””


Sarah rolls her eyes and growls as she rubs her throat..

Sarah Lacklan
“No! It’s another 24/7 match!”


Her eyes go wide as she turns to see her attackers, who are on their feet and falling into fighting stances.

Sarah Lacklan
“Oh...come...ON! NINJAS? NOT COOL!”


She falls into her own fighting stance as her two opponents make cautious steps forward.

Sarah Lacklan
“You ARE going to help me, right?”


Roxy Cotton
“I don’t even understand why Coda is attacking you. I mean, sure Maya, and definitely Song, but Coda-”


Sarah Lacklan
“What the-? Jesus, Rox! That’s not Coda! Or Maya! Or GODDAMN SONG!”


Roxy squints her eyes at the two.

Roxy Cotton
“Are you sure, bb?”


Sarah Lacklan
“Yes! Are you going to help me or not?!”


Roxy’s sigh could give Sarah’s a run for her money.

Roxy Cotton
“Uh. I GUESS so. You are SUCH a diva sometimes.”


The #BullySisters leap forward as one.

What follows is a series of screams, yells, whimpers, and cries too horrific to be shown.


Kenzi Grey
“What in Tom Cruise…?”


The scene that Kenzi and Amira find themselves returning to after their massage is one of chaos. The chairs are overturned. There is water on the floor. One of the workers is bent over the counter, her head jammed into the open door of the microwave. The second lays in a crumpled heap, her right arm twisted unnaturally behind her. Even the third woman in the striped shirt has a line of red across her forehead. Roxy and Sarah are breathing heavy, Roxy leaning against one of the overturned chairs, Sarah sitting on the ground next to the woman with the painfully twisted arm. Next to the wide-eyed shock of Kenzi, Amira just shakes her head and laughs.

Amira Doe
“I have GOT to hang out with you guys more often!”
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Re: "Eyes on me" 24/7 Defenses

Postby cooltubesource » Wed Dec 26, 2018 1:19 am

Image

Sarah looks like a professional ice skater, her body wrapped in sheer green silks, as she glides across the frozen lake.

Angie, standing an embarrassing 8 GODDAMN INCHES taller than her, looks every inch the swan with her high neck and long limbs as she glides by in her sheer blue bodysuit.

Kenzi and Roxy are bundled up in enough jackets and blankets to keep an army warm and sitting in chairs under tall heat lamps, both of the life-long Californians close to losing fingers in the cold.

Yep, it’s Christmas in Lacklanland.


Sarah Lacklan
“HIII-iiiiiiii!”


Sarah skids to a stop in front of the camera, the blade of her skates causing ice chips to fly out. The albino’s pale cheeks are flushed from the weather and the exertion of the skating, and her platinum hair is pulled back into a bun to make the movements easier, but her billion $$$ smile is even more bright white than the snow on the ground.

Sarah Lacklan
“Welcome to a VERY special edition of #EyesOnMe because its...you guessed it...CHRISTMAS!!”


Sarah glides back away from the camera, garners speed as she slides along the edge of the lake. She slides in an angle for a moment and, after taking a deep breath, flashes her foot behind her and then swings it forward to scissor her feet, leaping into the air and spinning with a picture-perfect double toe...because of course she does. She lands with grace, her free leg swinging behind her, her arms in the air and that legendary smile on her face.

Right next to her, Angie swings her right leg forward, the beefy yet still lanky leg that has punt kicked seemingly half the XWA roster into oblivion, and jumps into the air with a single axle so filled with beauty and grace that it makes even Brian Orser renounce his ownership of the move and gift it to his fellow Candaiian.

The two XWA team members glide toward one another and share an ice skating high five so epic that even the High Five Enthusiastics gave it a 5 out of 5, and you KNOW how discerning the HFE are! Sarah then slides back to the camera and comes to the ice-shipping stop that ice skaters do.


Sarah Lacklan
“Now, I know that all of you XWAers out there have been keeping tabs on me and my friends via the NEW season of Keeping Up With The Cool Kids, which you can find in one to four panel comics if you follow my personal assistant Ashley over at CoolTubeSource on Twitter, and I CERTAINLY know that my favorite Buddhist/Rock Star/Car Racer/Insta-THOT/Chick tht has been beaten by ME in a title match and will soon be beat (again!) by Angie, Vespie, but I invite ALL of you to try keeping up with us! But for now, we are ALL on some L33T vacay! The girls joined my Beloved and I at Step-Mumsie’s house for Christmas, and, though I LOATHE to toot my own horn, tobvs, I sers outdid myself in the presents department this year! I got Angie a special-made vuvuzela that plays cat and kitten sounds, Roxy a set of mirrors that curve around to make sure that her butt always looks bomb-ified, and I got Kenzi some Happy Birthday Jesus Sweet Lovin’ that left her eyes crossed and redefining the meaning of life! But you know what MY gift is this year?”


She looks around at all of the other people skating on the ice with a nervous and conspiratory gleam in her eye, but then gives the camera a smile and an exaggerated wink

Sarah Lacklan
“NO HARDCORE TITLE MATCH!


She suddenly twirls and busts out a spin on the ice, her hair falling out of its bun to fly around her. She raises her arms as she spins and ends with a sudden stop.

Sarah Lacklan
“What an AWESOME gift from Santa, huh? In in the last two weeks, I have fought in restaurants, hospitals, the movies, and even against freakin’ NINJAS! But it is because of YOU XWAers that I always find a way to persevere! And I will continue to do so in the new year. Now the Grey-Lacklans are leaving for a freakin’ SWEET two week vacay in JAPAN in the morning, which will be a combination training, scouting, and inSANE levels of gettin’ it ON in the place where we had our honeymoon, so you will probably NOT be hearing much from me! So, until we get back the second week of January...peace out!”

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