[CRITIQUE] XWA Massacre: Vespertine vs. The Lynx vs. John Johnson vs. Buffalo Bill Deckersley

In our main event, it's new LOTR Albion Gale vs World Television Champion Angelica Vaughn! Meanwhile, A.J. Morales begins the search for who has been tampering with his matches recently...
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Michael Swift
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[CRITIQUE] XWA Massacre: Vespertine vs. The Lynx vs. John Johnson vs. Buffalo Bill Deckersley

Postby Michael Swift » Thu Sep 27, 2018 11:45 am

A blood bath on the high seas, it's...
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Broadcast on The Xperience and the Battleground Network
LIVE! From Xtreme Cruiselines (1,500 Capacity)


Four Way Elimination Match!

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Vespertine vs. The Lynx vs. John Johnson vs. Buffalo Bill Deckersley

Vespertine might have overcome her first opponent since joining the XWA, but now she is being thrown right into the deep end with a three hundred sixty pound monster, two hundred twenty seven pounds of muscle, and a reckless man obsessed with tables! Worse yet, we all know that when The Lynx gets a shot at revenge, people tend to get hurt. Will Vespertine be able to continue her winning ways? Or will The Lynx begin a new warpath? Or will John or Bill pull off the upset? Only one way to find out!

WORD COUNT:
4000


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Deadline for matches is 4th October 2018 at 11:59 Eastern Standard Time.
Voting will start at this time and conclude on 9th October 2018 at 11:59 Eastern Standard Time.
[CST is one hour earlier. GMT is five hours later.]
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Vespertine
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Re: XWA Massacre: Vespertine vs. The Lynx vs. John Johnson vs. Buffalo Bill Deckersley

Postby Vespertine » Thu Oct 04, 2018 2:07 am

OOC: Kinda haven't been feeling well the past few days. If I have a little time between now and when voting starts and I'm feeling better, I'll put everything in colors and italics and bolds. Sorry about that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nbP-RDcepw&index=79&list=PLVBFyKKdU6FgAKWMOfpxiqRfzG1-D72wy&t=0s, play while reading

Fast Forward: Buffalo Bill and John Johnston are already in the ring. Having received their loss against Angelica and Sarah, neither of them look happy and both are glaring at each other. The pressure builds a little when they get into a heated debate in the middle of the ring but the referee is there to keep blows from happening.

Tempest: That loss at On a boat against Sarah and Angelica might've been a tipping point. These two look ready to rip each other a new one.

Matt Steel: Just as well. No loss if this "team" can't get it done against the mighty Sarah and Angelica. I would even venture to say that-

(The lights go out completely. The sudden guitar riffs of Repentless by Slayer sound throughout the Battlezone. Four separate 'priests' come out with three foot sticks having a jack o'lantern hanging on the top, all four lit with candles. Fog permeates the area and enshrouds the Battlezone. Out comes the dominate force "The Lynx". He flips the orange and black cloak back and raises an arm up in the air. He marches his way down the ramp with the crowd hissing at him. The Lynx walks up the steel steps and steps over the ropes. He drops down to his knees in the middle of the ring, arms outstretched and looks downward like he was peering down into the abyss. He drives both fists into the mat and fire shoots out of the ring posts. He then stands up, ready to waste away any opponent coming down that should get in his way.)

Tempest: You were saying?

Matt Steel: I... um...forgot.

Hana Ramirez: From the Trenches of the Abyss coming in at 360lbs, he is a Nightmare Incarnate, the LYNXXXXX!!!!

(Lynx stands up and glares at both men across from him who have now stopped arguing and both of them look like deer caught in the headlights. Lynx whirls his arms to get ready for the match and then cracks his neck but never takes his eyes off of Bill and John)

Tempest: I think it's only fair to say that Vespertine is the underdog in this match. She has her work cut out for her. A whole lot of work.

Matt Steel: I think she'll come through. She beat Lynx and Bill and John aren't that tough to begin with.

Tempest: That would be a happy surprise but we'll have to see.

(the sound of a Japanese flute starts out playing quietly over the loudspeakers and the lights go down. The Tron comes up and we see two armies standing face to face on a battlefield. The flute plays louder and quicker and the camera on the Tron gets closer to the two armies. The camera cuts scene...)

Matt Steel: And speak of the devil. Here she comes.

Tempest: Never thought the devil was female but whatevs.

(the camera cuts back to a scene of two armies. The Japanese flute plays louder. Both armies are huge and they are an army of shogun, ronin, and samurai. As the army walks forward a single figure comes into view and emerges from the line and climbs up onto a boulder. The figure raises their sword and as one the entire army stops. The camera goes over their shoulder and we see the other army standing as a wall in the distance. The figure/leader takes off their helmet and long black hair tumbles out from it and flows all around, sometimes waving and weaving in places where the wind catches it. The figure turns and looks at the army behind her and we see it is Vespertine. She raises her sword and roars in fury. Camera cuts scene and the Japanese flute stops. Japanese drums start beating rapidly at march rhythem)

(camera cuts back to scene of her army raising their own swords and shouting in fury. The camera pans back quickly and she does the motion of "go forward with her sword and the camera goes up and we see her entire army run forward to join in the fray below and clash with the wall of men below them. The camera then cuts to various shots of her wrestling as she makes her way to the ring...)

(The drums stop suddenly and "Undefeated" starts up and a single spotlight in the arena come up and we see a lone figure standing at the top of the ramp. One arm is raised and we see it is Vespertine and she is standing facing the entrance curtains. She spins around rather quickly and at the end of the turn she points at the audience where upon a couple of pyros go off on each side of her. She stands at the top of the ramp looking around at the audience. Then suddenly she reaches her hands out to them as if to encompass their souls and fire pillar pyros go off behind her. She saunters on down to the ring, stepping in time to the music. She wears black wrestling shorts, a black wrestling sports top with purple sequins which reveals her midriff and abs, black wrestling boots, her black trenchcoat duster and black sunglasses. She doesn't get in the ring and looks up to find Lynx standing at the ropes waiting for her and looking for all the world like he is going to tear her apart.)

Tempest: I don't know. He looks for all the world like he is going to tear her apart. This can't be a good omen.

Matt Steel: Have faith grasshopper. She will pull through.

Hana Ramirez: And their opponent. Hailing from San Francisco Ca, coming in at 5'5 she is the Asian Invasion, I give to you Vespertine!

(The bell doesn't ring, Vespertine doesn't get in the ring, Lynx motions for her to get in the ring and John and Bill are quietly talking in the corner. Suddenly in a whirl of motion, both men charge and do a flying dropkick right on the back of Lynx which sends him careening over and crashing to the arena floor below. She gets closer to the ring apron and tells John and Bill something that the camera can't quite pick up but when it does we hear)

Vespertine: It's easy. I'll just hold him down.

Tempest: What is she thinking here?

Matt Steel: I don't know but I can't wait to see it.

(She goes over to the ring apron, pulls out a chair and then puts the edge of it at Lynx' throat so as to hold him. She motions for them to start. Both men look at each other then run the ropes and when they near her, John launches over the ropes and attempts a senton bomb, onto the stomach of Lynx. He quickly rolls out of the way but rolls around in pain because the move hurt. Meanwhile Bill run the ropes again and on the rebound does the same thing but not being used to high flying moves, launches himself but catches a foot on the ropes and crash lands onto the ring apron and falls to the arena floor below. She scoffs and rolls her eyes but gets in a caporeira handspin leg drop right on the neck of Lynx, then gets up, goes over to Bill, kicks him in the head and then rolls into the ring. The referee calls for the bell.)

Matt Steel: Wait! I thought the match started already.

Tempest: Well the bell didn't officially ring as she didn't get in the ring so Tickles couldn't call for the bell. So officially that all happened before the match even started.

Matt Steel: Nice move on her part.

Hana Ramirez: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a fatal four way falls count anywhere elimination match. The last person standing is the winner and falls count anywhere in the building.

Matt Steel: Still she may be a little over her head.

(Vespertine goes to the ring ropes and sizes up the situation. First up is John. She tells him by mostly hand motions and gestures to get Lynx
up and hold him. Being a typical male for a very pretty female, he does so and she uses the ropes to jump up onto them and spring off and executes a nice cross body block... on both of them. Meanwhile Bill is still not moving. The referee has called the paramedics to the ring to look him over and they have to go around the bodies of Lynx, Vespertine and John just to do it. They check him out and then someone calls for a stretcher. As they load him on the stretcher, Vespertine gets up and gets into the ring.


Tempest: Wow! Looks like Bill is out of action.

Matt Steel: What an idiot. What was he thinking trying a move like that?

Tempest: Probably not with his right head. Trying to to impress the only female in the match.



(By this time, both Lynx and John are up and moving. Lynx roars at John, grabs him by the throat and chokeslams him onto the entrance ramp. Vespertine goes to look under the apron and comes out with a 10 foot ladder, slides it in the ring, slides in the ring after it and sets it up against the ropes facing them. By this time, Lynx is up too, he kicks John for good measure when he goes by and then turns around to make his way to the ring. Lynx finally notices the ladder that is set up in the ring. He looks at the ladder, then back at John and realizes that the more dangerous competitor is in the ring. As he walks towards the ring, Vespertine runs the ropes, rebounds off of them, goes running up the ladder, launches off of it into a moonsault twist. Lynx tries to catch her but she counters and turns it into a DDT and drops him on the mat outside the ring.)

Tempest: I must say I've never in all my years have seen anything like that. She caught him off guard and turned a moonsault into a DDT.

Matt Steel: Can't say you aren't impressed. I know I am.

Tempest: You're always impressed.

Matt Steel: You're not?

Tempest: I didn't say I wasn't.

(Vespertine rolls off of Lynx holding her stomach in pain, probably still feeling the bruises of their last match. John crawls slowly over and lays an arm over Lynx. THe referee sees this and rolls out of the ring to do a three count.

1...

2...

(NO! At 2 and a quarter, Lynx kicks out and rolls away. John goes over to Vespertine and rolls up her leg.)

1...

2...

(At 2, Vespertine kicks out. Lynx on the other hand is up, picks John up and clubs him over the back. John goes down hard. He covers John.

1...

2...

(At 2 and three quarters, Vespertine, attempts an ax kick right on back of Lynx. He then rolls off. She looks around as he is getting up and picks up the chair she used earlier. She hits him once over the head. No effect.)

Matt Steel: Do you think she realized that Johnston was being pinnned when she did that? Because now she has double the work.

Tempest: I don't think she did. Or if she did, she helped John stay in the match. More people against Lynx, the better. Which I would have to say is a good move.

Matt Steel: Right. Got it!

(She tries to hit Lynx again but he stops her and rips the chair from her hand. He swings at her but she baseball slides under him. He kips up as he turns around and jumps into a dropkick which hits the chair, the chair hitting his face. He covers his face in pain but doesn't drop the chair. She runs around him down to the ring, grabs a table from under it and pulls it out and sets it halfway up the ramp between John and Lynx. John still isn't moving. Lynx has straightened up and has turned around. She goes back to the ring apron and starts to charge, jumps on the table and flies towards Lynx. He puts up the chair as protection but she changes in mid air into spinning heel kick. She hits him but as she does so but he brings the chair down on her. She hits hard on the arena ramp and he staggers backwards holding his neck in pain as that is where she hit. He stops staggering and composes himself and she sees this and kips up again. She runs towards him again, jumps up on the barricade separating the audience and attempts a spinning hurricarana. No dice. He counters into a sitdown powerbomb. He chuckles a bit before he covers her with his full body weight.

1...


2...


(At 2 and a half she moves a shoulder. Lynx roars in protest as he tries to figure it out. He covers her again but this time John is finally up and clubs him on the back of the head.)

Tempest: Now that is lucky. She saved John. John saved her. But did you see him counter that hurricarana. How in the hell did she kick out after that?

Matt Steel: I don't know about her but we knew he was strong. We knew he was from the Abyss. What we say about him only sugarcoats what he actually is. And what he is, is a Monster.


(John continues to club Lynx over the head and Lynx is starting to get up. THey trade blows back and forth for a while. Vespertine is only slightly stirring. Lynx grabs John's hand and whips him towards the ring. He doesn't see the table Vespertine has set up but John does and jumps up on top of it and goes over it and then slides into the ring. Lynx charges after him, goes around the table and jumps up on the ring apron and goes over the ropes. He attempts a Death by Destiny clothesline from hell but John ducks under it. Lynx catches himself at the ropes before he can fall over. John stops at the far ropes and looks around for something to work when suddenly from behind the entrance curtain, Buffalo Bill comes chargiong out, runs full speed down to the ring, slides in which gets Lynx's attention and he turns around. But this doesn't stop Bill from executing a vicious spear on Lynx. Or would have if Lynx wasn't 7'1 and 360 lbs and Bill was weakened by his failed launch attempt earlier. He stands there and tries to muscle back but eventually gives in when he sees that John runs the ropes, steps on Bill's back and launches into a flying clothesline which topples the giant. All three go crashing to the arena floor below.)

Matt Steel: Wait! I thought Bill was out! We saw him being carted out via stretcher.

Tempest: We did. But I don't think he was officially eliminated.

Matt Steel: He should've been. Isn't being carried out on a stretcher a way of being eliminated.

Tempest: I thought it was. Maybe I was wrong.

(The three men are up and pummeling each other. Bill is hurting, Lynx is having fun and John is determined. All three are battling it out within the audience. Somehow all three find themselves in an awkward but fortutious position within two rows of chairs. The audience has given then a wide berth and security is there to keep the audience from getting hurt. Both John and Bill jump at the same time and land a drop kick to Lynx's chest, they both hit and he staggers backwards and falls over a chair that an audience member just vacated. John and Bill look at each other then whirl into motion and both of them cover him each taking a leg. The referee starts counting.)

1...

2...

3...

(At 3, Lynx gets his shoulder up but still the referee deems him eliminated from the match)

Hana Ramirez: Ladies and gentlemen, Lynx has been eliminated.

Matt Steel: Caught between a rock and a hard place. Or in this case, a chair and the floor. Like a conchairto.

Tempest: Indeed.

(John and Bill trade high fives, clap each other's back, then John kicks him in the midsection, turns Bill around, grabs his pants and neck and throws him into a couple of chairs into another row behind the first one. Bill lands hard and drops to the ground in agony. John goes to cover him and the referee gets into position.)

1...

2...

(No! at 2 and a half Bill kicks out. John tries again and this time, Vespertine has raced to his side and covered him as well. While Vespertine has his shoulders down, John hooks both legs.)

1...

2..

3...

Hana Ramirez: Ladies and gentlemen, Buffalo Bill has been eliminated.

(Both of them get up quickly, John panders to the audience by raising his arms in victory and gets a few claps on the back from audience members. Then John turns around and sees Vespertine with a chair. She was about to hit him with it but he caught her. He looks very surprised. She shrugs, smiles, and throws the chair at him. He catches it with ease but doesn't realize it's a decoy until its too late and she does a savate kick to the chair which connects to his face. He drops it, wobbles around and lands with a thud on the ground. She goes to cover him.)

1...

2...


(At 2 and a half, John kicks out.)

Tempest: John is putting up more of a fight than I have ever seen him put before. Maybe he is here to prove something.

Matt Steel: Or maybe he realized, he doesn't need Bill's help to win matches. He just needs himself.

Tempest: Well whatever it is, it's keeping him in this match.

(Vespertine gets up, pulls John up and whips him towards the ring. She runs after him, slides over the audience barrier but he hits it and falls headfirst over it. She sees this, picks him up and whips him towards the ring. He hits hard and groans in agony holding his chest. She slides into the ring, kips up and runs the ropes, rebounds off the rope and attempts a baseball slide into him. He backs away seeing it coming a mile away but she lands on her feet. He sees the opportunity and pushes her into the ring apron. She hits hard and cries out in pain. He does it again. He then takes her hand and whips her towards the steps but she sees them, jumps up over them at the last second and lands on her feet, on the mat. He sees this and runs to attempt a clothesline but she sees it coming and quickly ducks and rolls out of the way. He hits the barrier again having no time to stop his forward momentum. Meanwhile, she is up quickly, gets onto the barrier between her and the audience and when he turns to face her, she executes a perfect spinning hurricarana at the end of which she launches him a few feet away into the ring apron. She get up quickly and covers him.

1...


2...

(At 2 and a half, he gets a shoulder up. She looks around and wipes hair from her eyes, gets up, climbs into the ring, goes over to get the ladder she used before and sets it up near the ropes. She climbs it and sits down on top to wait for him to get up. She chants along with the audience as they chant "Extreme! Extreme! Exreme!")

Tempest: Can't say this match didn't favor her. This is a speciality of hers, right?

Matt Steel: I believe it is. She was saying as much when Smith Jones interviewed her.

(John gets up and looks around for her and then... looks... up. He sees her up on the top of the ladder, smiling and waving at him and then she indicates something to the effect of "Bring It!" with her hand. He looks around, looks under the ring, then pulls out a 20 foot ladder. He sets it up, outside the ring and climbs up it and they are at the same height staring each other from the different ladders.)

Tempest: Again, I've never seen anything like this before. Different height ladders at the same height, staring each other down.

(Suddenly in a whirl of motion, both him and her start trading chops across the chest. Each time they connect, the audience woos. His does more damage and she realizes this and blocks one of his and hits him in the throat with a throat thrust. From her position on top of the ladder, she then attempts a roundhouse kick which connects with the side of his face more than the temple but he still takes it, wobbles, loosens his grip on the ladder, his feet slip and he falls the 20 feet down to the announce table.)

Tempest: Well there goes that table. Now we have no table to sit at. As much as-

Matt Steel: I hate to interrupt you but she is doing something up there.

Tempest: What is she doing?

Matt Steel: We don't have moniters anymore so I'm going to guess something extreme.

(Vespertine has moved to the 20 foot ladder, gotten up to the very tip top and looks down at John's broken body atop a now smashed announce table. She makes a fist, bumps her chest twice then puts her hand in the air with the metal devil horns and then points at John.)

Tempest: Good god no! Don't do it. Just get down here and pin him. He is already out.

(She launches and flies up and out and executes a perfect 650 splash right onto his stomach. She bounces off but can't pint him as she rolls around slowly and holds her stomach in pain so the referee can't really make the count. The crowd gives a "Holy s%&t!" chant.)

Tempest: Perfectly executed.

Matt Steel: And from a beautiful woman. I don't know many women wrestlers out there who actually would attempt something like that.

Tempest: That's true. But the females in XWA are all extreme in some way or another. She is just the latest in a long line.

(She slowly comes too, crawls over and drapes an arm over John's body.)


1...


2....

(Kick out at 2 and half. She rolls back onto the mat breathing heavily.)

Tempest: I wonder: that had to have hurt. If she didn't have broken ribs before, she does now.

Matt Steel: I don't know. I just want to see more. She is putting on a good show. Against John Johnston. How often do you see him do this type of stuff.

Tempest: Not often.

(She crawls slowly into the ring. He gets up albeit a bit wobbily, grabs the 20 foot ladder, slides it into the ring, pulls a table from under the apron, slides that into the ring and then slides into the ring himself. He goes over to her, punches her in the stomach which doubles her over, then clubs her over the back. He then pulls her up via her hair, sets her up on the table and lays her on it. He wails on her face for a little bit as she tries to put up a defense but then stops when he is satisfied and goes to the 20 foot ladder, picks it up, climbs up and then turns around to zero in on her. He does sort of a jiggy wiggle dance to try to hype up the crowd and then flies off to attempt his own 650 splash onto her on the table. At the last second though, she rolls off the table and he lands rather hard and breaks it in half while the crowd of 1500 goes wild. She crawls over to the ropes and lays on them, looking rather battered and bruised. Then she gets a wild look and turn slightly to face him, then looks up to the top of the ladder. She uses the ropes to stand up. She then points to the top of the ladder indicating that she is going to go up there.)

Tempest: Oh my god no! Don't do it Vespertine. You are going to kill yourself. Get some medics out here. We are going to need them. Again!

Matt Steel: Come on Ves, don't do it. I would love to see you in action again. Don't kill yourself over this.

(She goes over to the ladder and tries to pull herself up but no dice, she is way too tired and broken. She sits on the bottom rung breathing heavily and trying to size up the situation. Meanwhile John has not moved at all. She sees this, shrugs and crawls over to drape an arm across him.)


1...

2...

3...

(She has trouble getting up as the referee goes over to her, helps her to stand and raises her hand in victory.)

Hana Ramirez: Here is your winnner, the Asian Invasion, Vespertine.

Tempest: I've seen a lot of things happen in this ring over the years. I've done a lot of things like this in this ring but I never, ever, thought I would see a match like that.

Matt Steel: I think it was brilliant. Instead of placing her ribs in more danger, she just assumed he was out and went to pin him.

Tempest: But by god, going through our announce table. Then doing a splash from the top of the ladder onto him through our annouce table. That takes guts!

Matt Steel: Why do ordinary when you can do extraordinary. And that is what she is all about. She is all about being epic and I'm all about Epic too. Still. Have to hand it to Johnson trying to go Extreme but he still failed in the end.

Tempest: Indeed.

(Commercial break)
You will feel death... by... Diva


Opponents Defeated
- Richard Head
- Lynx
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Michael Swift
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Re: [CRITIQUE] XWA Massacre: Vespertine vs. The Lynx vs. John Johnson vs. Buffalo Bill Deckersley

Postby Michael Swift » Sat Oct 06, 2018 10:26 pm

This match is now open for critique!
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Vespertine
Posts: 41
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2018 5:06 am
Location: San Francisco, Ca
Characters Handled: Vespertine

Re: [CRITIQUE] XWA Massacre: Vespertine vs. The Lynx vs. John Johnson vs. Buffalo Bill Deckersley

Postby Vespertine » Thu Oct 11, 2018 2:49 pm

So I know voting has come and gone but could I get a little feedback, just like to see how I do in terms of my match writing nowadays and also I could get a reference to critiqueing better, I've never been very good at that. lol thanks
You will feel death... by... Diva


Opponents Defeated
- Richard Head
- Lynx

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