Feedback: It returns

Post your feedback for any matches, promos, Beyond the BattleZone posts or...heck, anything written by other XWAers here. This is a great place for constructive criticism, reactions and overall thoughts on the stuff YOU write!
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Alex_Krull
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Feedback: It returns

Postby Alex_Krull » Mon Nov 30, 2015 10:05 pm

viewtopic.php?f=9&t=6569

Quick promo for XWA Lives... what ya think?
:wgaf: Alex & Kristine Krull :wgaf:
:stongue: Join the #PushKrull movement :stongue:
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Amethyst
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Re: Feedback: It returns

Postby Amethyst » Tue Dec 01, 2015 12:58 am

It looks good, however it's very disconjointed. Simple wording will help with transitions
Things like: "the scene slowly shifts to..." or "the camera quickly cuts to..." these kinda of things can help greatly with reading a promo. I'm really not wanting to harp on you man, because there's potential for a great chatcter.
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DJS
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Re: Feedback: It returns

Postby DJS » Tue Dec 01, 2015 11:41 am

Obviously I'm happy to see Krull back doing his thing.

One thing I will offer is some advice I remember from Alex Sean that's stuck with me forever- don't mention the camera. Yes, we get that it's wrestling and will most likely be followed by filming but it's less personal to say "the camera" and it takes me out the scene a bit. At no point in H.G Wells Time Machine does he sit there and say 'I travelled to the future and then in the film version I turn around at this point to see some evil Morlocks.'
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