feed back: Coming Home

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Amethyst
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feed back: Coming Home

Postby Amethyst » Sat Nov 28, 2015 6:34 am

It's my first one back so be kind. Yes, I realized I posted it in the wrong section after I posted it. :lol:
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styg
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Re: feed back: Coming Home

Postby styg » Mon Nov 30, 2015 10:31 am

Nice and effective! My only criticism would be the over-repetition of "the figure"/"the hooded figure", especially to start sentences, which broke the flow a bit imo. That aside I liked it. :)
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Amethyst
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Re: feed back: Coming Home

Postby Amethyst » Mon Nov 30, 2015 8:58 pm

styg wrote:Nice and effective! My only criticism would be the over-repetition of "the figure"/"the hooded figure", especially to start sentences, which broke the flow a bit imo. That aside I liked it. :)


It was an attempt to keep his gender secret. Lol I'll work on it better next time.
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DJS
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Re: feed back: Coming Home

Postby DJS » Tue Dec 01, 2015 11:46 am

Okay, you got me. Now I'm interested to see what Amethyst will bring to the XWA that's different to last time.
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Amethyst
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Re: feed back: Coming Home

Postby Amethyst » Tue Dec 01, 2015 4:01 pm

DJS wrote:Okay, you got me. Now I'm interested to see what Amethyst will bring to the XWA that's different to last time.


He's been in self imposed exile. He feels like he's lost everything and all basically lives for the next match, the next opponent. He's not the goofy, jokester he was before, he's harder, but he still has his honor... that's all he has left.
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Dan
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Re: feed back: Coming Home

Postby Dan » Thu Dec 03, 2015 4:58 am

Amethyst wrote:
DJS wrote:Okay, you got me. Now I'm interested to see what Amethyst will bring to the XWA that's different to last time.


He's been in self imposed exile. He feels like he's lost everything and all basically lives for the next match, the next opponent. He's not the goofy, jokester he was before, he's harder, but he still has his honor... that's all he has left.


Don't tell us this. Promo this.
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Amethyst
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Re: feed back: Coming Home

Postby Amethyst » Thu Dec 03, 2015 6:48 am

:evil:
Dan wrote:
Amethyst wrote:
DJS wrote:Okay, you got me. Now I'm interested to see what Amethyst will bring to the XWA that's different to last time.


He's been in self imposed exile. He feels like he's lost everything and all basically lives for the next match, the next opponent. He's not the goofy, jokester he was before, he's harder, but he still has his honor... that's all he has left.


Don't tell us this. Promo this.


I'm fleshing out another promo. I'll have it up as soon as it's done.
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